Getting a place together...

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Getting a place together...
4
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 11:36pm
So things with J, have been moving really fast, he asked me to get a place together....the thing is i really do want to, i know to most people it is way too fast, but the thing is, who's to tell if it won't work out or if it is, i mean i thought things wit' babydaddy were going to work out and he walked out on me when he found out i was pregnant(we were together for 5yrs)...now here's this guy that treats me and my son so good, and is already wanting to take the next step...he's everything i could've asked for and he makes me so happy, he wants us to try this out, and then if all goes as planned get married....grant it, we have some things to work on, before the big move, i'm thinking it will be quite a few months before we actually do, but my question, how do i prepare for this??? what do i do with babydaddy? when and what do you say, how about wit' the baby?? What should we talk about before we do this? This is new to both of us, and i just don't know what it would be like to actually live wit' someone...or what exactly needs to be done before hand, so any advice would be appreciated
P.S. told my mom, and she was like, wow!!! think about it before you do anything, do you feel like you're fallin' in love wit' him, it's really up to you, just be careful, because now it's not just you, it's the baby too....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:32am
I would recommend that you not live with each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:13am

Roxanne,


It's great that he's so happy with you and your relationship that he's brought up living together.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 11:30am

There has been a lot of research concerning living together vs. getting married and if living together increases the likelihood of a marriage lasting.

The research shows that living together before marriage actually reduces the likelihood of a marriage lasting... who knows why. My point is, if this guy wants you to start building a life-long relationship, look for him to make a real commitment to you... like a ring. It lets him know that you aren't going to be just dragged along until something better comes along.

And this is critically important since it isn't just you. While you definitely have to look out for yourself, you also have to consider how every choice you make will impact your son... short-term and long-term.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 5:01pm

Roxanne:

Things with my SO were going very fast also. I have known him for 8 months. He wanted me and my kids to move in with him, and that we would later gete married -- similar to your situation. When he first asked me, which was about 2 months ago, I said yes, and we hoped that by the end of the summer we would be living in his house. Well, things have not gone well over the last 2 months. I had doubts about the living arrangement and about us and that I needed time. He was willing to give me until the end of summer, but when September started all our kids would be in school, and we should have it straight where we would be living. I was struggling with a lot of things in this relationship, so that it why I put the brakes on. Something just wasn't right. The last month for me has not been good -- too many doubts and things that bug me and too many "disagreements". This weekend I ended the relationship. He suggested we take a break to think about things. I said I didn't need time to think, I was done.

My point is, please listen to your head and be practical. Just because he is wonderful to your son, make sure this is what you really want. S was great to my kids, and he would have made a great stepdad. Everyone was happy but me. I'm so glad I listened to that nagging little voice in my head. And if you need more time to think about it, talk to him and tell him that and give yourself the time you need. When your time is up, if you still feel, with no doubts, that this is what you want, than go for it. But if you have the shadow of a doubt, I would say wait.

And everyone is right. If you were by yourself, and if I was by myself, it would be so much easier. But we aren't and we have kids to think about. I did not want to uproot my kids, move them away from their school and their friends, unless I was 100% positive sure. I never reached that point, so that is why I never moved. And in the meantime, I grew tired of everything and just wanted out.

Please give yourself the time you need to more sure this is what YOU want. And if it is, then everything will work out. As for your son's dad, don't worry about him. I was dating S for 8 months and considering moving in with him, and my twins' dad knew nothing. My ex freaks out when I date, so I tell him nothing. It's just easier that way.

Good luck and let us know how things go.

Donna