God must have a sense of humor!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
God must have a sense of humor!
1
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:37pm

Ok, you all know my issues with the xbf, about how we broke up and still work together. So here is a funny little update. First, the last week has been better. We've been joking around at work, emailing funny little comments to each other. And I've come to a point were I am at peace with the breakup and with my newly single status, so I think that is what has enabled me to see xbf as a friend and feel comfortable with him.

But with the new companionship he and I share it kinda has been making me wonder "what if?" I know, bad to do, so I just told myself that we are better as friends, yada yada. And part of my transformation has been to reaffirm my faith and go back to church, so I've been praying about it. I figure if the head honcho wants us together, we'll be together, and it's out of my hands. I'm not going to push anything or think about it. Last night I prayed "God, if you want Chris and I to be together, give me a sign to make it happen. If not, give me a sign for that, too. And make it obvious so I know the difference." I know, I'm impatient.

So this morning I came into work and xbf told me that he had a really hard time this weekend because he pictured me going out on Friday and having guys hitting on me all night. He had tears in his eyes and later we emailed a few things back and forth. He told me that he has only just come to realize how much I meant to him. Okay, but that wasn't the sign. In fact, I was quite proud of myself because I reiterated that we are better off apart. Not that he was trying to get me back, because he also said he needs to take time to be single and figure out who he is.

But then I started having extreme abdominal pain and guess who rushed me to the ER? Yep, xbf. And he stayed with me for a few hours while I waited to be seen. (By the way, I'm okay. It was just a ruptured cyst) So while we waited we talked. This guy who would never share his emotions to me opened up and spilled all. He said he can't stop thinking about me, and he can't sleep. He never knew what it was to love someone this much and he wishes the timing was different, that we had both taken time to figure ourselves out before we started dating. He also said he wants to ask God back into his heart.

This was not the man that I've come to know. He wasn't hard and removed, but honest and sincere. And even though he was saying all this to me, he still let me know that he needs to go on his own journey of self discovery. So he wasn't doing this to get me back.

And the real miracle is that I'm not wanting to weep at his feet and beg for him to take me back. I'm happy for him that he found out some things about himself. I'm happy that he feels comfortable enough to talk to me about all of this. And I just think it is so funny that my prayers were answered in this way. I wanted a sign and I got it - just kinda sucks I had to experience so much pain to get it. But at least I got some good pain killers out of the deal! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 12:41pm

So sorry to hear you had to deal with a ruptured cyst.

I guess for now you just have to go slow and think a lot and use your real gut feeling about him. Only you know what is best for you. On one hand he was a big jerk when he had a great chance to shine. But on the other hand, most people and especially men, don't realize what they have until it is gone.

I wouldn't rush back to him for the way it was. That is for sure. Maybe you just need to have a breather to see how you feel? Or am I reading it wrong and you really don't want him back?

Keep us posted.

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