Going to break up,sick to my stomach
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-23-2007 - 2:37pm |
Okay, I have been thinking and thinking and trying to not let this bother me but I can't do it anymore. I am going to tell 'A' that I think it's best if we broke up. He is still having a tough time taking things slow. He still wants to be a part of my son's life, which I think is admirable, but he wants to be around him more than I want him to be for right now and it is getting to him. I am just going to tell him that I think he needs to find someone who can pay more attention to him than I can.
Ever since last week, I feel like I have just had to answer one question after the other and, to be completely honest, I don't feel the same way I used to at the beginning for him. Is that normal? He is a good guy but this is just too much emotionally on me.
It breaks my heart to have to do this to my son as well. I think that is the worst part in all of this. My son actually told me, and I don't think I ever said anything about this, that he "loved" 'A' the first week they were introduced. He didn't want me to tell 'A' about it. I feel like such a bad mother! I feel like it is my fault that my son got involved and I know it is. I should have been strong enough to tell 'A' that our relationship would be fine without introducing him so soon. Of course he brings it back on me and I guess that is why I feel this way. I don't know. What do I tell Logan when he asks about 'A'? He has never said anything else about 'A' after the first week of course there have only been 2 weeks of knowing 'A' for him.
Has anyone else had to break up with someone whom their kids were fond of? I just don't know how Logan is going to handle it. He may not even ask about him. I'm hoping that he will just figure that 'A' is just not coming around a lot or calling and be okay with it. I mean it has only been 2 weeks. I still worry. I feel so sick right now.
Jennifer (who feels like the worst mother)

Jennifer,
I fully support your decision to end things.
I think you made a smart decision for you and Logan for the long haul. You are the only one who can know what is best for both of you - and you see the big picture.
As long as you are cheery and happy and can somehow act like it is no big deal in front of Logan he will not be affected. I think if you got really upset and made it a big deal in front of him he would get nervous.
I am sure that once you do the most difficult part - and that is doing the actual break up deed - you will be relieved and things will only get better.
Just explain to Logan in his terms - yes we were friends with him but I don't want to be friends with him anymore so we are going to find some more cool stuff to do. In a week's time it will be like nothing every happened.
Keep us posted and good luck!!
Change of any kind, even very good, is never easy.
I am sorry things havent worked out well in this relationship for you. I think we can learn something from each relationship we are in, perhaps this time you have learned that you will keep more distance between a new boyfriend and your son, atleast in the beginning.
I dont think it was a mistake for you to introduce your son. I have asked my older kids what they would want to do as far as meeting a future boyfriend (since I have seen so many opinions here). They both had the same opinion---that they would want to meet them pretty early in the relationship so they could decide if they like him or not...and if not then I need to kick him to the curb!!! LOL! Then they proceeded to tell me what kind of guy I should be looking for ;-)
And I agree with Alison, that for your son love=like. And you are in no way a bad mother!!! If anything your bf was probably trying to win you over through your son. MANIPULATIVE!!! You had not asked him to be a stand-in-father I dont believe so he shouldnt have pressured to see him so much, so early in the relationship.
((((hugs))))....sure you are needing them now...
--tj
I agree here - with part of this.
Sweetie- you are NOT the worst mother.