Going Exclusive but not a RELATIONSHIP

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Registered: 04-08-2003
Going Exclusive but not a RELATIONSHIP
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Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:28pm

I had the funniest blind date the other night. It was so catastrophic (280 pounds with a comb over), but before I went on this date, M was so hurt about it. He could not get over the fact that I had a date AFTER I kissed him! LOL. I told him "What did you NOT understand when I told you that I was going to date other people?". He said he could never do that to me now because we had a kiss and if that meant nothing to me? And he didn't want me going around kissing other men. LOL.
Anway, needless to say, he was really upset by the whole thing. I ended up telling him I was running late for the date and needed him to just chill out and we'll discuss it later.
Well, the blind date, as stated, was a total CATASTROPHE. I have never been on such a horrible date before. I ended up leaving after an hour and when I got home I called M. Told him about it and he said, "Listen, I KNOW you want to date other people, because you don't want to be in a relationship, but think about this: How about you date ONLY me and we don't have to be "exclusive". Just give me a chance to prove myself. We won't sleep together, we will just get to know each other. If you feel that after a month, you want to kick me to the curb, instead of keeping me, then I will let you, but just give me the chance until then. If after another month (we've been dating casually for 4 weeks)of us seeing each other and further getting to know each other and you want to keep me, then I think we can really talk about going one step further and calling this a relationship."
Sooo, I said OK. We are exclusive, but we arent'. I feel much better, much more relieved because I don't want that pressure of being in a relationship. I'll date only him, but it'll only be dating. I'm not ready to be touchy feely or physical, except for the occasional kissing, because it makes me so whoozy. :) But the reality of it is, I just need more time this time and I really want to see what develops without getting other emotions involved. I'm tired of the endless hurt I've put myself through, but also the hurt my children have felt because they see me hurt. I'm feeling so much more confident in myself.

M is very different and I am starting to see a break in pattern, but not sure how to deal with it yet. I've always dated, affluent, career ambitious, rich, well spoken, intelligent and educated men: All of them JUST like my father.
M is just M. He's none of the above. He's just like the man that raised me who I loved and adored and later died; which broke my heart. Maybe that is why I never gave someone like him a chance to come into my life.
He doesn't have a lot of money, he never finished college, he's in middle management, dresses in Harley t-shirts (but he's not a biker, doesn't own one either) and jeans when away from work, and has a Carolina accent that would throw anyone for a loop and would probably make my Dad have another heart attack. BUT, I've thought long and hard if I really want to continue seeing him, because he isnt' the "prince charming" that I thought would make my father proud. He's Shrek and all the above doesn't matter this time for me because: M is a wonderful father, very caring, very into me, very supportive, and is really interested in me as a person, my children and my happiness. So far, he still hasn't shown an ounce of selfishness. He understands and give me the space that I need, but isn't shy about being into me. He makes me happy, but not the infatuation sort of happy. Does that make sense? I just feel like myself around him. Like I can be the person that I really am inside. I don't feel insecure about myself or that I have to be something I am not. It's just ok to be me and he likes me for that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:21am

Eewwww - ear and nose fuzz!!!! You are too funny! I have a feeling we are two of a kind...

Lucky you with mister bald w/goatee - I LOVE that look! Your Shrek sounds like a pretty cool guy to me.

Rose (whose current love interest looks like Fred Flintstone - the resemblance is uncanny - makes me laugh everytime I see him!)

Rosecolouredspecs

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