Going good..going bad...
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Going good..going bad...
| Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:05am |
Hello ladies...
This board is great. I love to read these posts I get inspired by the strength of you women, and it makes my day!!
Anyway, my trouble is I am separated and have met a man who is a great guy!

Well, I think that is natural for the kids to feel that way since you were married so long and have not gotten divorced and into the pattern of being divorced yet. I think that when you are at least a year down the road and they can somehow feel more secure in their lives they will feel a bit differently.
I think all kids want their parents to be together. And in this case since it is so new it is natural for the kids to feel this way. They need more time.
Good luck and keep us posted!
I agree with Judy.
My situation is a little different.
April
This is a subject I am still dealing with and it is a mine field of potential miss steps.
My sons were 12 and 15 when I filed for divorce, their dad finally moved out after the younger one turned 13. The boys reacted very badly to their father bringing the OW into their lives pretty much immediately after moving out. We weren't even close to finalizing the divorce, their sister was less than a year old, they saw his bringing this woman into their lives as a smack in the face. When I finally started dating again I kept them in the dark about it until they brought up the subject.
Kids need time, probably more than a year, to process the divorce and the loss of the idea of a traditional family. They may feel accepting a new man in your life as a betrayal of their father. Since you are separated, not divorced, it is very likely they hold hope for reconciliation of their parents. Counseling was very beneficial for my kids. I still keep my adult social life out of their time with me as much as possible, even though they like the guy I am seeing. His younger daughter is 12 and still feels he should not be dating til she is out of high school. We are going very slow with her, but my BF knows it is an issue he'll have to keep revisiting with her until she is accepting the fact his life will move on, should move on.
A big part of how the kids accept their parents moving on is how both parents present the issue. If one takes the position that they should not have a social life and devote all time to the kids, the kids will accept that as right. It is a lousy proposition for everyone as the kids then think the world revolves around them and expect their parents to be at their beck and call. It also prolongs the fantasy that Mom and Dad will get back together.
It really is very early in the process to introduce your kids to a BF. No, you don't have to put your life on hold til they're off to college, but waiting til the divorce is final and giving the kids a good year to accept it would be wise. Try to get them in counseling now, sometimes, boys especially, kids are resistant to the concept of telling some stranger their family problems. You have to present it as this person is there FOR THEM. They won't be passing info to Mom of Dad. The counselor is a neutral party for them to unload all their concerns to and will hopefully help them find solutions to the issues they a troubled with.
Good luck, this is one of the trickiest issue for divorced parents.
QueenBun