A good lesson

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
A good lesson
7
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 9:53am

So I was reading an article from the book "why men marry bitches" and one part really stood out for me given my current situation and how I've been feeling...


"In order to be looked at differently, you have to think differently. He has to see that you call your own shots and that you don't need input from anyone about how to put your socks on. This says, “I am secure.” The biggest attraction killer is neediness and insecurity. The bitch doesn't audition or try to be the “best in show.” Instead of “where's my ring” or “why won't you marry me,” she's thinking:

“What's the advantage of having this guy around?”
“How do I feel about myself after I’ve been in his company?”
“What’s in it for me?”


And then a funny thing happens: He falls all over himself to be with her. "


Alison, going on the 4th day of not talking to J but starting to feel ok about it...




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 10:08am

Alison, i think I'd like that book. I just finished "Be honest, you aren't into him, either", which I really liked.

It seems as if a lot of the books centered around dating center first around making yourself happy. Luckily, I think I'm now doing a good job of that.

Hang in there, Alison, with the J thing- it'll get easier. We're always here for you, too!

Moody, definitely a bitch


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:21pm

I totally DIG that way of thinking. BRAVO and thanks for sharing!!!!!

HUGS to you - you sounds good - but I know it is hard and has its moments.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 1:59pm

“How do I feel about myself after I’ve been in his company?”

I really go by that question and ask myself this when I want to gauge my relationship with a man.

I've had to learn to be a little more of a bitch. Even still, I think I'm more accommodating than I ought to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:24pm

So very true, Alison! I totally believe in that. I still think it's crazy that when we, as women, just finally discover our own sense of confidence and assertiveness to NOT be someone's doormat... it's called finding our inner "b!tch" rather than just our becoming the strong people we should be.

I never liked being called that term... but if it means being confident in myself and who I am, then lemme be that 'b!tch'. ;-)

It's funny that I do that with Hiker (after years of being a doormat, I'm tired of having no backbone)- and he DOES like the fact that I wear my own pants and don't depend on HIM for anything. He isn't dating another liablility, but gaining a companion. I think that is a HUGE thing in finding a partner. Don't become someone's liability. If I didn't end up with Perma-grin after each of our dates, I just wouldn't make the time to date him because my life is plenty busy!

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:38pm
It it will help, I have heard of a better sounding acryonym
Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 3:19am

I wish I could be a bit more of a bitch, but I like a quiet life, so it gets bottled up until breaking point. Then I yell for a couple of minutes, get all mad with myself and EVERYONE around me (LOL), calm down and get back to normal. No sulking though, and I feel a lot better. Wow, that sounds a bit psycho. Works for me though ;o)

Alison, it sounds like you are doing so well. I really admire you and how you are coping in your situation.

Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 5:14am
VERY good lessons!

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