good/bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
good/bad
13
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 9:48am

Well I am no longer pregnant-- and I am not so sure its a bad thing for me. It was unplanned pregnancy and i terrilbly sick and stressed out trying to deal with it all the time-- trying to figure out how to have a baby when my boysfreind and I have 5 kids put together already and well -- we were still working torwards a firmer commitment-- both of us were sad that this would force us to move faster than what we were ready for--we are also recently divorced (with in last 2 years) so jumping into all of this was huge...well anyway yesterday morning all that changed...i lost the baby. So we are sad but in a way feel its for the best.


As to the good well today is our year anniversary of our first date and we do plan to celebrate in some way. :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2002
In reply to: mbfun
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 4:01pm

thanks everyone I am doing my best to move on from it-- but still hold resentments towards Jerry for a few things. I told him that we need time to greive but then we really need to work on our relationship as far as communication and the way he shuts down and avoids conflict-- I really do feel that he emotionally abandoned me during the time I was pregnant and it hurt alot.


He is getting a vasectomy next week which also hurts because it really says to me "I never want to go thru that again AND I dont want to have a child with you at all"


Swallowing all of this is tough. Im not sure -just not sure how to feel, how to continue. I truly felt that what I wanted and desired and dreamed about meant a whole lot of nothing.


Now I have to get rid of the maternity clothes I ordered (ebay) the heartbeat monitor I got, the little outfit I bought at baby gap and get rid of the hopes and dreams I did have knowing if I stay with Jerry it will never happen again.


sigh


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
In reply to: mbfun
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 7:18pm

Aww... I'm so sorry!!


Give Jerry some time, he is dealing with this in his own way.

Kim

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: mbfun
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:23am
Marybeth,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and I know a few of us on this board, for no matter what reason, have lost their babies, all had a difficult time with it at one point or another. It is a part of you that suddenly is gone and with it, it takes something out of you that you can't get back. Like a part of your soul or something. Odd to explain, but that is how I felt each time I had to give up my babies.

You may go through many different emotions and it's ok to talk about it, as much as you want. As for Jerry I think it's ok for him to have a vasectomy but maybe you need to have another relationship discussion. If you are not ready to say I AM NO LONGER wanting children, then no problem, but it sounds like you aren't ready to give that idea up entirely. You becoming pregnant was for a reason, maybe the reason was, that you suddenly realized that he might not be their in the long run or that you both are on two total different levels of what you want from each other. I mean, sure you get along, you love each other, but something like bonding, marriage, extending the family are some serious issues that you can't ignore. So maybe it was a wakeup call. You realized with getting pregnant, that hey, I still may want this and he doesn't, so that's a conflict, a major conflict that you might have to have a real discussion over. Especially when you write, that he doesn't want a child with ME. That hurts, because you obviously, were ready to have a child of HIS. Their are men that can't even deal with two, like my own husband. MY sisters husband was livid when the 3rd came and then got a vasectomy, but they are both now happy that they have 3 even if it is financially hard. But look! Their are plenty of people that have 5, 6, 7 or more children. I know about half a dozen families that have 8 or more children. Keep the clothes. You can give them to a friend down the line, or for another baby shower, or whatever. Just heal a bit first if your not ready to let go. IT'S OK! You don't have to act like it's no big deal and your tough, because we all know what a big deal it really is. Big hugs!

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