Got to meet the rest of his friends...
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| Sat, 08-18-2007 - 2:49pm |
Gonna be a long one...
Well, I got to meet the rest of E's friends last night. I also got to meet his ex fiance he had when he was 18. They are still friends. I got a little worried and miffed Wed night while E and I were together. His exf started sending him text messages while we were on our way back to E's house which was around 10:30 pm. Now I wouldn't mind this if it wasn't for the fact that he hadn't heard from her in 2 months. He sent her a few texts back and then she asked him if he was alone and that she wanted to hang out with him. That's all fine and everything but why would she want to know if he was alone? I don't know if E ever told her that he was with me but it stuck in the back of my mind. He just cut his phone off and THAT worried me about what was being written. I talked to him about it later (I spent the night with him, all kids were with their other parent). I asked him if she knew about me. He said that he thought he had told her but he couldn't remember. WTF? I asked if they were just friends and he said yes and that even their friendship was teetering on ending because she said some hurtful things to him and has not apologized for it yet and that she probably never would. And I just sat there thinking "why in the world would you want to hang out with her then?"
Well now I have some reservations about her. First of I will give you some background. When E and his exf were engaged, he went into the military and was stationed in Japan for a year. Well, he had heard that she had been cheating on him while he was away. When he got back, they broke up. After he and the mother of his kids separated (2 years ago), the exf came back into the picture. She told him that she thought she was falling in love with him again and he told her to go on somewhere. They tried to date again but they found that they were 2 totally different people than they used to be so they decided to stay friends.
I got to see her last night. Was very nice and she had her boyfriend with her. I got to meet the wife of one of his better friends and some of the other people he talks to when he goes out. I don't know why this bothers me....all of his friends are younger except for a few...mainly 24-26 years old. I am 31 and E is 32. Nothing wrong with having younger friends it's just that they like to party and get drunk and act sleazy. His friend's wife was wearing a short dress and her husband kept trying to lift it up so everyone could see her thong. Okay...just things like that that made me uncomfortable.
We went to a restaurant to hang out after this after-work party ended (it was the last one of the year) and I felt VERY out of place and uncomfortable. It seemed like everybody was flirting and rubbing on everybody else regardless if the other person was married or not. I didn't not like that. I wasn't about to get wasted because for one thing, I don't do that. His friends told us that they were going to have to get me drunk one night. I am a conservative person normally and all of these people were making me feel like a stick in the mud for being conservative. E is conservative, but like I've written before, he does drink with his friends from time to time. Not that often.
It was 10 pm and we hadn't eaten so we ordered food and decided to get it to go because E had to work today. While leaving, he stopped to tell everybody goodbye but I had gotten in front of him and had to wait for him. I didn't realize I had walked past some of them and would have told them bye but the place was packed. So I waited and he wanted to tell his exf and her boyfriend bye and when he did, she wanted a bite of his food. Okay. After that, I turned around and walked back inside (we were outside on the patio) because I was just standing there looking silly. Plus, her boyfriend was trying to mouth something to Elliott and looked over at me because he noticed that was was standing there looking, duh...so he got Elliott to bend down and he whispered something to him. Don't know what THAT was about and didn't as and that was really what made me go back inside the restaurant.
I don't know if I was just overreacting but I just did NOT feel comfortable especially with his exf there. She is conniving and I don't deal with that type of person. His friends seem to like the drama which I stay away from. I told him, while we were waiting for our food, that this was not my scene.
Am I just an old fuddy dud or what? I just don't like putting myself into situations where things could happen like a girl rubbing her breasts on my SO (which was happening last night to MARRIED men as well as single) or getting around a bunch of drunk people and things happening that shouldn't happen. Does this make sense? I like simplicity. I don't like drama or people trying to make a situation difficult just to see what would happen. That's not me, never has been.
I don't know. E told me that he normally doesn't like hanging out at places like that because it gets boring for him but he said that his friend begs him to stay because then he would be the only guy there. I do believe E and I trust him. I really do. You know, I wore the short skirts and short shorts when I was in my 20s too but then I got out of that when I became a mom. Don't get me wrong, I like feeling and looking sexy, I just don't look trampy when I do it. I like a CLASSY look. I had my booby shirt on last night. lol Of course I wasn't rubbing them up on guys that I didn't know. lol
I know I am only posting about worries I have but things have just been going so well with E that when something that worries me come up, I like to ask you wonderful women your opinions. We are so different and have different points of view and I like to know your thoughts.
Thanks for reading this if you got this far!
Jennifer - who feels like a fuddy dud today.

I gauge people by the friends they keep. Your values are your values. I would not judge or measure myself against other people's values.
With any partner, it is critical for me to be able to express myself especially about things that I am uncomfortable with. If I am not comfortable with certain situations then I always have the option of leaving or not even going/showing up in the first place.
E's friends do not have to be your friends. If you do not like him getting drunk then you need not have to be with him. If you do not like his friends then you do not have to be with them. You two can separate lives as well as time together.
Regardless, I would pay attention what he values versus what you value and make relationship decisions based on the similarities as well as the differences.
Mark
Im not sure how long you have been dating, but i think i would seriously think if THIS is the type of group i want to make my friends.
Hi Jennifer,
I don't think u are a fuddy duddy at all. You are just way to mature and evolved to hang with a group like this. I never understood people who voluntarily conjured up more drama than life has to offer anyway either. It is a big waste of time and energy, not to mention a real morale sinker to hang w/ people like this. So done w/ that scene!
Anyway, I wouldn't trust the text messaging situation with the exf either. If it were all on the level, he wouldn't have to keep anything a secret. If your continued mutual trust were a priority to him (as it should be if he wants this relationship to go anywhere), he would go out of his way to 'put-it-all-out-there'. Shifty moves and shady answers only have a way of coming back to bite a relationship's buns later, so why not have everything on the up-n-up? Maybe he is more confused than he realizes, or hasn't come to terms with moving beyond this person's influences. I never quite understood people who have a bunch of strings to their past dangling in the present. I am the type of person who when I break up w/ someone, done means done. It keeps life much simpler & freer. I never saw the advantage of having unfinished business distracting me from where I want to go.
Well, good luck, and don't undermine your own instincts no matter what this guy tells you.
Imon2u
You are so NOT a fuddy dud. This reminds me of the scene I encountered with the Fireman I dated whom I booted for excess drinking.
I guess I would be pushing the "I'm not liking this" button. But am not sure if it gets the total eject just yet? Or maybe? How do you feel now? Does he have other friends besides this lot? How does he feel about your reaction?