Great date but issues issues ugh help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Great date but issues issues ugh help
8
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 3:18pm

Well I met a guy who I have seemed to hit it off with really well. Of course we are just in the getting to know you stages. I have had such bad bad luck with dating its getting the best of me. This guy...is a nice guy. We have TONS in common. I actually even talk to him on the phone which I NEVER talk to anyone on the phone really due to the kids and just being busy!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 3:38pm
Yikes!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 3:48pm
I definitely understand your hesitation about how the two of you would ever get any alone time. That would worry me too. I would also assume that he has come up with that little dilemma in his own head too. No matter how great a guy he is - all men want to have sex - it isnt all they want but dating= at least the possibility of naked play so they will be trying to formulate a plan for this eventuality in all cases I think.
As far as him living with his parents, I think you could ask how temporary this situation is. What are his plans? Student loans and a truck payment are the case for lots of folks who are out of college with advanced degrees and I would wonder whether he has other debts as well. That being said, it isnt necessarily a sign of irresponsibility to me that he has chosen to live at home with his folks for a while if it is truly him getting back on his feet, figuring out how to deal with the costs of general life post school. For many friends I have had, this was necessary but TEMPORARY. Also, although I never had school loans, I have always been told you can delay them if you are not gainfully employed enough to be held responsible. Has he considered putting off paying them until his life gets back on track? My brother has done this as his schooling was in acting and singing - he makes an ok living but has 50K in tuition debt and it is being delayed. Not only can you delay them but also the interest on them is very reasonable compared to other things I think.
If the excitement between the two of you is palpable and mutual, I would bring it up with him with the only goal being to just have more info on his situation by the end of the evening. I think then you might feel clearer about where all of this could potentially go?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 8:19pm

I think its a red flag but I wouldnt back out just yet. It does concern me that a 30 year old isnt out on his own now and it concerns me that his parents would actually let him back in. I think at 30 you need to be made to stand on your own two feet even if that means the truck getting repossessed.

But have fun for now and see where it goes. I wouldnt back out just yet.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 8:21pm

"all men want to have sex "

RG didnt. His religion got in the way. Go visit the mismatched libidos board. There are plenty of men on it who dont want to be bothered.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 8:52pm
Even after I wrote that I figure I should have written most.
I guess I should write - any man I would be interested in would want to have sex at some point...lol To me it is a necessary component in any healthy relationship. And I do think that most men are more strategic about getting to that than women are. I dont consider it to be a negative thing - it is just something I believe to be true.
The fact that RG didnt want to ever have sex and also didnt want to move forward in the relationship would have been a reason for a "next" for me but we are all different of course. I know that for me, although I suppose I would consider being with someone who wanted to wait to have sex until they felt it matched with their religious beliefs, I would also need some forward motion in the relationship to know they could make it to that mark without roadblocks - especially if I felt they were putting up roadblocks by themselves.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 9:34pm
Oh my goodness chick!!!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 9:28am

I think this really also depends on the family dynamics of this guy. Some parents really do miss their kids and love to have tem back temporarily- if it means he is getting over his debts. You could ask him what his plans are for the future. How long does he plan to stay with his parents. Does he have a job- is it a good job?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 2:51pm

Damn! Why is it sometimes we find someone we finally make a connection with ... but there is always SOMEthing! (well not always, given some of the successful relationships we see).


Would it give me pause, hell yes. Would it give me LESS pause now that i have been dating for 3+ years & know you dont connect with all that many people? Yep. Would I let it stop me from getting more involved? I'd need more info.


eg: does he have a good job/career so that eventually, fairly soon ... like within a year ... he would be out on his own again?

Photobucket