Great Weekend - Like to Share

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Great Weekend - Like to Share
11
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 12:54pm

Hi everyone. Techical computer problems have kept me off the board the last two weeks. I had a great weekend, and I just wanted to share that with everyone.

I got a call from my cousin Frank last Sunday night. It was Frank's younger brother that died this past July. We hadn't talked in a few months, and we ended up talking for about 2 hours. He asked me what I was doing this weekend, and he asked if I wanted to hang out with him on Saturday because he didn't have his kids, and neither did I. Frank's a single dad; he's 41 and I'm 39. He got married the same year I did. He was seperated for 2 years, and his divorce was just finalized about 6 months ago. It was a very ugly and messy divorce because his ex-wife is such a b****. I had plans for Saturday night with Paul, but I switched them for Friday. Well, I did something I've never done before -- I told a little white lie. When Friday came along, I wasn't feeling good, so I changed my plans with Paul to Saturday night, and I was going to blow off my cousin. Well, right before I was leaving the house to go shopping Saturday morning, my cousin called me to firm up plans. I was going to cancel, but then changed my mind. So, I called Paul and told him I was sick and that we couldn't go out Saturday. I felt bad for about 5 minutes, then I let it go. I figured it this way: Paul doesn't want a serious relationship, so I want to keep my options open.

Well, I definitely did the right thing. Me and my cousin met his friends up and this local hangout in his town. All his friends are around his age, single and/or divorced and very good looking. I felt like a hungry man at a smorgasboard. It was me, Frank, and half a dozen of his nice-looking friends. What more could a girl ask for! The last time that I was out at a club was back in June, and I was with Mark. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I was out at a club when I wasn't with a date. I'm definitely out of practice. The best part about it was is that Frank knew all these guys, and like he told me, if they were jerks, I wouldn't be hanging out with them. There were 2 guys I was definitely interested in. Then his friend Matt showed up. This guy is gorgeous -- I mean, drop dead, stop traffic gorgeous. He has the most beautiful blue eyes. (Eyes are the first thing I notice about men). After he showed up, I kind of forgot about everyone else. Unfortunately, he's dating someone right now, although my cousin says it's not serious. But Frank says everyone wants to date Matt (duh -- he's gorgeous and nice) and that I have a lot of competition. Anyway, so I may never have a chance with this guy, but I can dream. Like the saying goes, "A man without dreams is dead". Frank and Matt were supposed to meet up the next day to watch football, and Frank told me he'd put in a good word for me, but Frank stayed home. Frank said he'd give me Matt's e-mail address if I wanted it. I don't know about that. I don't know if I have the nerve to e-mail him. (1) I'm really out of dating practice; (2) I'm really shy and indimidated until I get to know someone. Ok ladies, what should I do? Come off of my cloud and forget about this guy, or send him an e-mail? What would you do?

Anyway, I had a great time and it was a great learning experience. It was just what I needed. I'm so use to being in a relationship, that I don't even know how to go "fishing" any more. Frank said he's going to change that. He said I can come out by him any time I want to. Sounds like I found a new fishing pond!!!!

Before we met up with his friends, my cousin and I were talking about on-line dating. He has a profile on Yahoo Personals, but he said he hasn't had much luck. I asked him to pull it up so I could see it. He definitely needs a better picture, but other than that, I thought it was good. I've thought about doing on-line dating, but again, I never had the nerve to try it. Frank helped me with a profile, took a picture and I am now officially "on line". It's really not a big deal, but I can say that if it wasn't for my cousin, it wouldn't have happened at all. Talking to and spending time with my cousin made me realize what a rut I am in. I met my exh when I was 18, married him at 22; was married for 10 years; didn't date for 2 years after he left; then I was in two long-term relationships and a short-term one after that. Big time rut! I think I need to hang out with cuz more often.

Now that I've rambled on like a 16-year-old, I have to go. Hope everyone has a nice holiday.

Donna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 1:47pm
My cousin gave me a lot of advise when I started to date after my divorce. Cousins are invaluable! I'm glad that you had such a great weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 1:57pm

PHENOMENAL!! You are so lucky to have such a great cousin - single with single friends. It doesn't get better than that. Good thing you ditched Paul - I think you should make that a permanent ditch.

Go out with your cousin more often. It is good that you are "out of practice" - the right man will pick up on that and appreciate your sincerity.

With regards to this question:
"Frank said he'd give me Matt's e-mail address if I wanted it. I don't know about that. I don't know if I have the nerve to e-mail him. (1) I'm really out of dating practice; (2) I'm really shy and indimidated until I get to know someone. Ok ladies, what should I do? Come off of my cloud and forget about this guy, or send him an e-mail? What would you do?"

No way would I contact him. You want a guy who is "that into you" that he will court you - otherwise you dilute your value, in my opinion.

Keep going out and wait and see. In the mean time, get some fun clothes in the mall and some new makeup - I just bought some really nice makeup at Victoria's Secret - it looks so nice and I feel great. See if you can go shopping with someone single and younger. You would not believe the outfit my babysitter found me in Abercrombie and Fitch.

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!! What a wonderful way to start the holidays!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 2:44pm

Great advice West!!

I definitely would not email Matt. I've done things like that in the past and you get absolutely no where.

I'm seeing a new guy right now and I can't believe how 'easy' it is. He's completely into me and I'm so surprised by the whole experience. He calls me. He emails me. He laughs and has a good time with me. No sex yet. I'm waiting on that one and I think it will pay off.

If Matt wanted to contact you, he would have asked your cousin for your phone number or email. He would be flattered if you emailed him, but it wouldn't be a challenge at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 2:54pm

West:

Thanks for the advice. I think you're right. Like I said, I really didn't want to e-mail him anyway. That's never been my style, so why should I change now. Anyway, I'm sure I'll see him again next time I go out with my cousin. My friend at work got flowers sent to her last week from a guy she just met. I thought that was so sweet. I'd love for someone to send me flowers. Maybe I'm a little old fashioned, but I'd like to be courted. Why make it so easy for them. I also like the shopping advice. I've never bought makeup from Victoria's Secret, but I buy all my sleepwear and underwear there, and I love their Heavenly body wash and lotion. They also have great clothes in their catalogs. I have this killer outfit that I got last year on clearance. It's a two-piece sweater and skirt set (short skirt), it's black and white, and I wear it with killer black pumps. I only wore it once, but Mark loved it. Now all I need is someone to take me out somewhere nice so I can wear it.

My cousin gave me some good advice. I'll defintely go out with him again. And even if I don't meet anyone, I'm still having fun, which is great. I think things will be easier for me next time we go out, and the more we go out, the easier it will get. I just wish I wasn't so darn shy. I guess practice makes perfect. You said, "I just bought some really nice makeup at Victoria's Secret - it looks so nice and I feel great." I think feeling great is important. It goes a long way for your self-esteem. There I was Saturday, the only woman in a group of very nice-looking men, and I didn't have to spend a dime all night. Talk about feeling great! I guess I sound pretty silly, because I'm sure that's a common occurrence for a lot of women (I know it is for my friend at work, but she's also 13 years younger than me). But for me, that's never happened. I got married too young, and I missed all that stuff. So this is like a re-birth for me. I should get my younger friend to go shopping with me. I'm sure she could help me pick out some great clothes. I can't wait til next time. It's nice to have something to look forward to.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 3:06pm

Fivesense:

I agree, you and West are right. If Matt's interested, he knows how to get in touch with me. I'll just leave it at that.

The new guy sounds great. That's exactly what I'm looking for: someone who's into me; calls me, e-mails me. Like I said, I'm just so out of practice, I'm not sure how to act.

Good luck with the new guy, and have a great holiday.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 4:59pm
Thanks Donna for your well wishes. Yeah, I don't really know what will happen with this guy I'm dating now. Sure, it's easy now. Wait until I find out he's a big jerk. That seems to happen sooner or later. Take care. Tricia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 5:43pm

This is great news with the new guy - and the way it should be.

He won't be a jerk if he is into you and respects you as a person. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction, especially if you are not having sex with him yet. Stay strong!!

Cheers!

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 8:22pm

Hi Donna


I was almost afraid to tell you my opinion on to email or not to email but then everyone else including you felt the same way, so nope, don't email him.

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 10:32am

Great great great!!!! It's SO good to see/hear you in such high spirits and having so much fun! I am glad you had a great time over the weekend.


Question for you. I thought you were done completely with Paul, as you felt it was a waste of your time? What happened there?

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 12:00pm

Becky:

Good question. I think I confused a lot of people. Paul called me and apologized for behaving badly on the phone, and he said he still wanted to be friends. He called me about 4 or 5 times after that, and we just talked. Then two weeks ago he asked me to go to a movie with him. I didn't have my kids, and I had nothing else to do, so I said yes. I didn't really consider it a date because I know how he feels, I looked at it as more of something to do with a friend. I'm not sure if anyone can understand this, but I really don't like the holiday season, it's very hard for me. I have to fight depression every step of the way. When I'm with my kids, that's easier to do because they consume all my time; but when I'm alone, it's a little harder. Going to the movie got my mind off of everything for 2 hours. I'm not really sure why Paul wants to bother with me, either, considering he doesn't want a relationship, and he's certainly not getting any sex from me. Maybe he's lonely and he just wants to hang out with a friend. I didn't think there was any harm done as long as I was in control of the situation and we kept things just as friends. Then he asked me to another movie for last weekend, and then I canceled on him, which, as things turned out, I'm really glad I did. I really don't see myself continuing this going out with him, even if we are just friends. Things have changed a bit (I'll post about that in a minute) and I'm focusing on other people right now. So, as far as a relationship goes, he is a waste of time because it's not going to happen, and I know that, and I certainly don't expect that either. And in light of recent developments, I don't want a relationship with him, even if he did. But on a friends-only level, he's still a friend. Hope that cleared things up.

Donna

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