Guess who called...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Guess who called...
4
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:28am

Hmmmm... so I've been reading the new book and starting to understand how this dating stuff works... Oh, so if a guy's interested he'll call.. period... no plotting, or scheming or playing games needed on my part. And it really is freeing knowing that all I have to do is be as happy as I can be in my own skin. I can do that...

I got a text message from Alan. "the girl i was with the other night is a girl i'm dating. we are not exclusive," he wrote. I'm wishing I could get advice right now about what to do... ignore him or what. But I decide I'm not going to text him back... If he's interested, then he will call. And I dont' have to tell him that either.

But I did call my sister to see what she's doing and get her opinion... In the middle of talking to her, Alan CALLS. Hmmm. She encouraged me to take the call. Her opinion is 1) he's only dating casually at this point or 2) he's a jerk. I missed his call and it went to voice mail. Now the true test... will he leave a voice message? So I waited and yes, he did leave a message. He said something like "i understand if you want nothing to do with me...." I wasn't sure if he wanted me to call him back. But since all the children were sleeping (it was 9:30 pm) I figured I could talk without interuption. I called him back and said i didn't make it to the phone in time..

We talked for 54 minutes. Apparently, he was really intriqued with the way I gave him my phone number. He was flattered and thought I had courage. He also said I sing really well, "but you already know that," he said. His stats: 30 yrs, never married, no kids, works in the shipyard for the government, earned a BS in Seattle. (I haven't kissed a guy from Washington, yet.) He said when he's in a big crowd he likes to get attention. I sense he has a BIG personality, maybe too big but we'll see. He might fall into Fun Party Guy, which can be fun for a little bit... that was just my first impression.

I made myself laugh when he asked if I dated younger or older guys (and I don't quite consider him younger since he's only 4 yr younger.. i was kinda thinking he was my age). I said, "I love being 34. I'm in the middle and can date older or younger guys." When I said it for some reason I thought it was soooo funny. It didn't quite come out the way I wanted it too. I went on to tell him that when I was 20 I dated older guys but when I'm 40 perhaps I'll only date younger guys..i don't know.

then he said, "in the last few minutes i'm getting the impression that you like to be in control." He said he likes to be in control and he's not "relinquishing his control." I denied that I'm a control freak. I said, I like to be in control of myself, but not other people or situations.

After a while of chatting he started asking many personal questions. I took that to mean he's interested. He asked if I was the same in person as on the phone. He figured I had been married at least once before, so I was honest but when he asked what happenned I said "pass, too personal". I felt it was too personal for a first conversation.

He told me he's never even been in love. When he said he was never married, I told him that makes sense "you said you didn't want to relinquish control. when you get married you have to share your money, get permission to go out, etc..." He laughed, and said i was right. (Little does he know that I'm in NO hurry to get in a serious relationship since my divorce was only 6 months ago) So, I'm not concerned at this point about long term compatability. And I'm NOT calling him... He's throwing a St Patty's party this weekend. He didn't invite me but I wasn't interested anyway. My plans are to stay home this weekend and possibly go out next Friday with my brother and his girlfriend.

Oh, another thing he said is that woman don't realize how much power they have... he said he thought I could get anyone I wanted... flattering but i don't think that's true. I like my carefreeness. I like feeling no pressure to be with someone. I like that I don't feel lonely anymore. He said his last serious relationship was 3 years ago. That is pretty much the same with me... I was seperated since 2 1/2 year and haven't been in a serious relationship since.... And don't feel like I need to be, either.

So.... any first impressions. I feel flattered that he called and he pursued me. I'm going to let it stay that way... Freedom!!!

Opinions welcome,
LB

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 4:17pm

Woohoo. I'm glad he called. I'm also glad it went to voicemail and he left one, and I like his honesty about dating.

See where it goes- wait for him to ask you out- either he will or he won't, and that's it.

Moody, waiting not so patiently


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:23pm

I really like that you made him leave a message since you were talking to your sister. I am not sure about his assessment that you like to be in control when I don't think you have said or done anything to warrant that statement and then his following statement that he likes to be in control just feels a little out of wack to me. I think I would have wanted him to clarify what he means about this - maybe he is just careful with his feelings, getting attached and being exclusive?

Also your first impression of him being a party boy - and then mentioning his St. Patty's Day party and not inviting you is a little "not impressive" to me.

I would keep him at arm's length and see what he does. I have a "tepid" feeling about him based on what you write.

Your book is teaching you wonderful things. Keep up the good work - you are doing good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 10:31am

Yah, I have the same tepid feelings... He's such a text message type and I'm not sure if that's a 21st century form of communication or just lame. He texted me saturday morning to wish me a happy st patrick's day and I replied in kind. then later that day (3 pm-ish) he texted "What are you doing?" But I did not reply. I wasn't doing anything and didn't have a sitter for his party anyway if he was going to invite me... so I didn't reply. Was that rude of me? Am i sending him a signal that I'm not interested or that i'm just playing it cool?

My theory about him at this point is that he'd like a challenge anyway. So, if I play it cool, he'll either pursue me or not (recent theory for me... the old me would be calling him or asking him out...lol). AND yah, i get the sense that he likes to date several women at once... He said he doesn't want to settle and I told him I agree. Still no way to know if this will lead to a date or anything... but I'm not writing him off just yet. BTW, I finally texted him back at 11:30 pm saturday to say "how was the party...ttyl"

He did ask me out once already but I turned him down.. basically because it was too last minute and I was already busy... but we'll see if he actually asks again.

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 4:45pm

I see the text message thing, at least initially and in this case, as a boredom thing - he wants to be entertained by someone and you are it.

I don't think playing it cool or not cool is going to make any difference. This guy is a player and partier. He is looking for flavors of the day and week.

What you want is a busy enough life so that finding a guy is not the center of it. You are used to being alone and don't mind so you have the strength to be picky. And you want a guy who really admires you for you - and who wants to please you. Asks you questions, worries about when to call and what to do and wants to impress you. You will know immediately when you have this - you will not wonder if you should play it cool.

Listen to Queenbun about her M - she is on the right track for sure!!