Guy needs advise ... please :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Guy needs advise ... please :)
22
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 10:24am
Hi there. Well, I'm hoping the single mothers out there can help me out. I would really love to date and get to know this girl I've become pretty friendly over the past 5 months. She's a single mom, and I see her maybe 1-2 times a week (just for an hour or two). Now, I think there is "something there" between us, and personally want to take it to the next level (dinner, a movie, etc.). But here's my problem. She recently, and candidly, told me that there is another guy that's been constantly asking her out, but she's afraid to date right now, so she always declines. That, obviously, puts me off a bit. Actually, stopped me in my tracks. Now, I understand her hesitations, but not sure what to do. So, I guess my question to this forum is how to make this girl comfortable with wanting to go out and date again (preferably me) :)

OK, here's something I'm thinking about doing ...

One thing that I know REALLY made her smile was my remembering her son's birthday. He turns 4 this week. Now, I plan to buy him a little something (a fun toy), but I also plan to write his mom a little letter letting her know that I would love to get to know her better ... when she's ready ... to take her out to dinner, etc. What do you guys think of this approach?

Any advise would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you all so much.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:20pm

Candi, great answer to your son.


The answer to "how can I move things along?" or "How can I get her to be interested?" is ... YOU CAN'T! You can only be yourself, and be available. Good for you for stating it so clearly.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:27pm
Since you said you would, you sort of should get the gift andmake it not over the top and get a kid card and write something benign like : For a cool kid - Happy Birthday! From your mom's friend ____.

I didn't realize you didn't know her son. HMMM - I would just still be a friend. Offer to maybe help with his party or offer to mow her lawn or help her do stuff. Let her know you are there for her as a friend and that will open the door to more I think.

In the note if you do give her one I would say something like " I really have enjoyed getting to know you and hope we can continue our friendship and get to know each other even better. If you need anything I am here for you. Fondest regard ____.

I don't think you need anything more than that :)

Good guys don't finish last. Woman who know what they want want nice guys. Of course nice guys can be used too so be careful ;)

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 3:40pm
WOW !!! Thank you so much everyone. I'll keep you all posted ...

Enjoy the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 5:00pm
You know, instead of approaching her from a *dating* angle, approach her from the friend angle. Asking her to meet up with you for a fun night of movie, dancing, an event going on in town or dinner as friends may be a little less intimidating. Now just because she has said she is weary of dating doesn't always mean with EVERYONE. Invite her to hang out instead of making a date. She may be hestitant to have you meet her son, or she may be willing to meet up with you when she takes her son to the park. That's her choice, so don't push to meet him.

As for the present, you said you would get somethin, so you should follow through. Find out what he likes, superheros, activities, etc and maybe find a colouring book or poster with that on it.

And I would forgo a note for now and tell her your intentions yourself. Being honest that you enjoy her company and would like to get to know her in a friendship is good.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 10:28am
OK ... so I've decided to go the friend route. I deliver the gift tonight and should have feedback on Monday. I will keep you all posted. THANKS AGAIN ...

But, on another note. Wouldn't you think that if she really liked someone, she'd go out with him? I'm talking about the other guy who apparantly has asked her out several times, but she says she kind of scared to date. Do you ladies think that she would turn him down so many times if she really would like to go out with him? Just curious (of course, trying to size-up my "competition").

:)

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 11:02am

Well, since we happened upon my unwillingness to devote time to dating duds in a different thread, I guess I could share something that was pointed out to me.


Yes, if she was really interested, she'd make the time to go out with the other guy.


But then on the other hand, it's hard to tell if she's just afraid to go out with anyone period but will flirt, or whether this guy just doesn't get the hint.




http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 12:53pm
Thanks Mandy ... to address your post, No, we do not speak outside of the restaurant (unfortunately). That's just a function of our individual lives. But, I would like to see her more ... outside of her work environment.

Now, I agree that it's hard to tell whether or not mentioning the competition is a passive way of saying, "thanks, but no thanks," or a hint as to what not to do. But, I'd going on a gut feel that this is not the case. If I ever get a chance to ask her out, and she declines ... that's it for me. I'll move on (unlike the other guy). But I hope that is not the case :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 3:41pm
Did you give her the gift? I haven't read absolutely every post in this thread. But, I think you're in for a rough time. You said she works at a restaurant that you frequent. She sees lots of people every day. You go there once or twice a week and are anxious to see her. It's probably not the same for her.

I experienced this when I taught English as a Second Language to adults (my first job out of college). So many of the men had crushes on me, but to me they were just students in my class. I was friendly with them, but none were special. Some of them approached me like you're going after this woman (waitress, right?). What I'm saying is that you're one client out of many that she sees. It sounds like you're moving too fast with the gift thing.

When is the last time you had a girlfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 4:07pm

Hi good guy,


I think one of the keys is to connect on some kind of subject outside of the restaurant setting.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 5:34pm

Good luck.