Guys are too confusing or is it just me?
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Guys are too confusing or is it just me?
| Wed, 07-23-2008 - 2:41pm |
I so hope I can get this all out in a clear way.
| Wed, 07-23-2008 - 2:41pm |
I so hope I can get this all out in a clear way.
Hi Shan,
First off...tell us some more about you! We love introductions, we get to know you better that way :o)
As for your friend.. I would have a hard time with that if I still had feeling sfor him. A good friend is great, but, what happens when he starts seeing someone else? I would have a hard time keeping feelings in check. It's like he wants things his way.. to keep you at bay intimately, yet does not want to lose you. What would happen if YOU start dating someone else. How will he feel? Things just get too complicated and confusing IMO, the lines get blurred, when you go from bf/gf to close friends who remain so close, especially when one still has feelings.
Sure, he values you as a great friend. But if it is confusing to you (like you still have feelings, are not sure where he stands, etc) then I would tell him that you need some time to back away to get past your feelings and to clear the water. Then after a while you might try being friends, but only if it is mutually acceptable that you both date others and the feeling for each other have passed. Just my 2 cents :o)
Welcome aboard!
Edited 7/23/2008 3:08 pm ET by pacific_sun
I've posted her a few times back, but decided to take a break from dating (and the internet...ha ha) to make sure I wasn't trying to fill some void.
And in the process, realized I'm all good, meet someone that is majorly similiar but enough different that it's not boring and now become friends.
I totally understand stepping away.
Neither is awful....but dear goodness it would be a first time for both.
I'm sorry I missed your earlier posts! Sometimes I'm just brain dead, lol.
The thing is, your 'friend' is thinking about himself (he wants you stay available to him but he's not willing to be in a bf/gf relationship). He's not thinking about how that keeps you strung along.
West posted a gem of advice sometime back. She pointed out that when we keep a guy around who is not panning out to be a good boyfriend, then he takes up the one special
Excellent advice, PacSun!!
"The thing is, your 'friend' is thinking about himself (he wants you stay available to him but he's not willing to be in a bf/gf relationship). He's not thinking about how that keeps you strung along."
I agree - he only wants the companionship and does not want a relationship or to have our OP as a girlfriend - doesn't matter WHY - only that he does not.
"West posted a gem of advice sometime back. She pointed out that when we keep a guy around who is not panning out to be a good boyfriend, then he takes up the one special "parking spot" in our heart. It does not leave room for another, better model of "car" to come along and park there. You see? You won't see the potential of another guy if you let Mr 'just fiends' keep that space occupied."
Agreed - and how can I argue with me?
"My advice would be to be clear about your feelings to him. He is not going to change...he told you what he wants. Now you are allowed to tell him what you want. And if you want a real boyfriend you will have to look elsewhere."
I think the OP will have to be true to herself - because this whole situation sounds frustrating and painful to me - if you want a great boyfriend who is into you - you have to stay that route - get out and meet people in a multitude of ways to increase chances. Every minute spent with a guy who only wants to be friends after having sex is not the way to go.
I saw a great video on youtube entitled, "harden the @#$@#$ up" and this applies to dating - you can find it if you search on "chopper" - he is an australian comedian.
Welcome to sb4626 - hope we have helped. We know your pain -we have all been there!!
Yes that is so true about the special parking spot in our heart. I have 2 spots reserved for RG. One for him and one for his 62 corvette. lol. And I cant move on with them parked there. Its tough to say goodbye. Especially to such a great person.
Sb, I feel for you. I am in the same boat with an ex BF who wants to be exclusive friends. But we are the same. Much more than friends and less than a couple. But I think West and Pacsun are right. We cant move on with them there. We need to draw the line and get on one side or the other. It sounds like we are both straddling it right now.
Laurie
oooooooooooooo GREAT ADVICE WEST! Where was I when that one came? The better model car..... Makes a lot of sense! No use parking the old model in the garage and a better model with more horsepower in the rain.
Laurie,
It's hard to figure out what you should do while straddling.
Update!