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| Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:38pm |
Ok ladies - I was patient another month and here's the major update! My last post was named "sit back and watch the show".
Earlier in December Hot Nerd took me for a ride on his motorcycle (a first for me) and he stopped by and helped my kids and I decorate our Christmas tree (I had casually invited him, but was shocked when he actually showed up!). However, it was still unclear to me whether he wanted to just stay good platonic friends or if he was interested in something else in addition to our friendship.
I resisted the urge to call or stop by his office before we both started Christmas Break. We both work for a University so we get a very generous amount of time off during the holiday. I wanted to try to be scarce over the break and see if he missed me.
Well, he left a Christmas present on my front porch on Christmas Eve – two bottles of Bailey’s – Carmel and Mint Chocolate. He didn’t put his name on the bag – but I knew right away it had to be from him – after all, he has been my drinking buddy for the past six months or so (on Friday evenings when my kiddos are with their dad).
I called and thanked him that night.
He called again the day after Christmas to see how my holiday was and to invite me to a party at his house on New Year’s Eve. I told him that the kiddos and I already had plans to go to two kid-friendly parties that night so I wouldn't be stopping by his.
On Friday the 29th I left a message on his cell phone at lunch time – asking him if I could buy him a drink that evening. He called me back later that afternoon – we went out for dinner at a new restaurant downtown, stopped by the bar where we often sit and talk, then back to my house to try the Bailey’s – very sweet kiss when he left that night.
I called him a little after midnight on New Year’s Eve. He sort of invited me to eat New Year’s leftovers with him the next day – but we didn’t really make very specific plans at that time.
Monday afternoon he called and again invited me over to his place – and I went. We talked, we ate dinner, we watched a movie (the DVD that I had previously given him), we . . . . discovered that there is something else we really enjoy doing together . . . . He told me he would call me Tuesday – and he did – before lunch even.
Edited 1/3/2007 1:05 pm ET by mom2maggie

It sounds like you have a keeper. You go girl. Have fun. Take of yourself and keep me posted on how it is going. Take care
I was laughing out loud, literally, at your last paragraph. Yay for both of us, I'm glad he's following through with what he says, and since he's met your kids, tell me, how did that go?
Moody- sharing sparklies
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Still sparkling!
My kids meeting HN has been a gradual process I refer to as "sprinkling".
Decorating the Christmas tree wasn't the first time my kids have met him - but it was the first time he stopped by for a visit when there weren't other friends around as well. DS is only 2 so he's fond of anyone who's willing to play with or talk about cars, trains, airplanes, firetrucks, etc. My DD is 8 going on 18.
She has met HN several times before and she remembers him as "one of Mom's work friends". HN and I used to work together and for a short time he was my supervisor - so there have been lots of benign opportunities. I no longer report to him at all - I'm the project manager now. He now only works part-time for the organization I work for and is part-time faculty at our University. He's working his butt off right now hoping to get a full-time faculty position that is opening up. If he gets that then we won't have to worry about working together again in the future.
HN was a little shy around the kids. He's 46 and doesn't have any of his own. He does have god children who are like nieces and nephews to him - but they are teenagers now. My DD thought his jokes were a little funny (at least funnier than mine). Right after he left she asked if he liked to play games (checkers, scrabble, etc.)
However, the questions that came a couple days later are the ones that made me so glad he came. Like, what is his house like? Do you think he likes our house? - At first I was like - who cares if he likes our house? Then it hit me why she was asking - a few months after their dad and I separated, he introduced them to his girlfriend (already pregnant before he moved out of my house) and within weeks of meeting she was moved into their place with the baby. (they've since broken up - before our divorce was even final).
HN coming for a visit opened up a whole new area of teachable moments or "sprinkling" of my knowledge and/or beliefs (without trashing my children's father). Here I had been thinking that I need to keep the man in my life away from my kids as much as possible until there was a definate committment (which I'm not even sure I want). Now I'm realizing how much my daughter really needs to learn from me about how a healthy relationship progresses.
Now, I of course don't want my kids to become attached and suffer loss after loss. I don't think couples should act like a family until they really are one. But my DD needs to learn that it's ok for a woman to have friends who happen to be male. She needs to learn that building a relationship takes time. She needs to learn that a man should earn her trust - and not just give it freely. She needs to eventually learn the difference between lust and love and that even when you think it's love - there are so many other things to consider before you marry the first guy you fall for. My mom and I both married the first guy we fell in lust/love for. My mom was lucky that my dad really was the man for her - I wasn't. My mom and I have talked about this and I honestly think the big differences in our cases was pure dumb luck.
OK - this really turned into something - or maybe nothing - I gotta get back to work. I don't want to start bringing work home on Friday nights. I'd much rather be doing something else!
Edited 1/3/2007 5:50 pm ET by mom2maggie
Edited 1/3/2007 6:50 pm ET by mom2maggie
Moody,
I'm glad you thought my ending was funny. The last time a man touched me was when my ex and I conceived our son. DS is nearly 3 years old and memories of my ex touching me now make me want to yack. Needless to say I'm bursting. I'm so thankful that I can come here and share.
Edited 1/3/2007 7:04 pm ET by mom2maggie
M2M, I know exactly what you mean about being able to come here and share. I also like the way you've "sprinkled" the kids into meeting him.
Thank you so much for relaying your expereince with that. I guess the reason I asked is because Double D and I will probably end up doing more and more things together, and he'll be the first guy that I would let meet my kids since I ended a serious, live-in relationship a year ago. That guy was the first guy since my ex-husband, and that was 5 years ago.
My kids know I have lots of male friends, but they're just friends. The Princess met Double D in a co-worker environment, and was fine with it, but she's met many of my coworkers, male and female. For us to do something together outside of work would be a new experience for her, and for Droid.
My kids know I date, so that wouldn't really be a problem, but they are pretty intuitive, and would probably get fairly quickly that Double D is or may be different.
I'm probably putting the cart before the horse, here, anyhow, but it was just something that's been on my mind. I guess once you're a mother, you're always a mother... even when I wish I could shut off the gene for an hour and just be a dater!
Moody, in gratitude
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