have decided

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
have decided
14
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 12:24pm
update on me...

I've decided to pull back from the trav thing. He's not here and I don't see that changing any time soon. It's hard because he doesn't even read his email very often, but I sent him a message telling him that I'm backing off and that I feel he really doesn't have time for a relationship right now. If he really wanted to, he could talk me into reconsidering...I don't see that happening either. We're just not close enough to anything like commitment.

So many things in my life are changing. My ex is moving to ND, and my youngest (who has despised him the most) has pretty much decided to move there too. She says she wants to live somewhere new and try that challenge...if that happens it will mean a big change for all of us. And I'll be without kids sooner. I'm not sure how to handle that, but I guess one day at a time is good. I am happier with company than without, so the prospect of them all being gone sooner would change my perspective on dating. I'll be more looking for someone permanent if this all comes to pass. Someone here and permanent.

I had a flirtation with someone here, but it hasn't gone anywhere. I don't think I'll do the internet thing again. With grad classes and such I'm meeting plenty of people in real life, with common interests. If I don't run onto someone that way, perhaps it's not meant to be. I have things to do and need to just get on with them, get my degree, get into some satisfying work.

I've been exercising on my own and I think I'm going to start karate this week or next.

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:21pm

Hugs Candi. You sound as though you are going through yet another big change. But you're handling it soooo well. (good for you on the Karate idea! Can't wait to hear how that goes. Sounds fun!) I am SO sorry that your youngest is making that decision. I guess it's a good thing to be adventureous and want to try/see new things. You've always tried to instill that in your kids, and it's working. And at least you have the reassurance that it's not because you're being left behind in favor of dad. It's just a new thing.


Don't know what to say on the Trav thing. I think I knew that would come, but I am still sad for you. How frustrating. But it's cool that you're meeting IRL people and having fun with that.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
In reply to: revenoc
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:34pm

Hi Candi, You've been in my thoughts and I was wondering how things have been going in Candi Land.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 8:35am
Candy, whatever course of action you take, I support you. I feel that we are much the same sometimes when I read your posts and your decision with Trav is one that I would take, too. He's so far away and he's not moving closer to you. It's sad because the end of a relationship is always sad, but you sound happy with your new classes and working out. That's going to make you happier and stronger. and if you're feeling involved and busy and passionate about the new undertakings, someone's going to notice that.

about your youngest, what a surprise. I wonder about that, if my children won't someday tell me that they want to live full time with their dad and I can't even think about it. I know they'll be gone, gone when they go to college, but for them to leave me any earlier than that. How old is she? Will she be moving into a better school district? Good luck in all these new directions your life is leading you...never dull is it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 1:51pm
You sound both happy and sad so I am not sure what to say except that I offer best wishes and good support. You have always sounded so intelligent in your posts.

Wow - the empty nest sounds scary - I have not had time to fathom that thought because mine is so far in the future - my DS is only 8 now. I know they all say that goes by so fast, though.

I like the idea of karate and grad classes - very very good - very impressive. I believe you are about to start a whole new journey - and it will far exceed your wildest expectations.

Keep us posted. Something in me tells me that Trav might fight hard to get you back - and if he doesn't then he is a FOOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:05pm
Thanks...

I don't expect Trav to kick up any fuss. He has such extenuating circumstances right now, I doubt he'll notice it much. Thanks for the vote of confidence though. This weekend has been a tiny bit blue, but I kept busy and had a great day anyway. I found my perfect "trudging across campus in winter" Rockport shoes for 40 bucks on sale. It can't be a BAD day can it? :)

I am staring a whole new life, it's exciting.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:19pm
She is 13 and very mature for her age. I won't make her stay, and she is determined. She's always been intrepid, never met a stranger, and very self confident. She'll be fine, I know. It's me I'm not sure about. I just don't like being by myself as much as being with someone, or a crowd even. Maybe I should find a commune? LOL...well, not that would be too much even for me.

Having them all gone 2 years sooner just seems...surreal. I'll adjust, but just having her gone this week is weird feeling. She has gone househunting with them and the house feels emptier by more than a third of my kids...I miss her.

This weekend has been a little blue, as much for her being gone as for letting go of what I felt could be a good relationship. Even now it's not anything Trav HAS done, it's just that he's not here. We don't have enough of a history to keep it alive while he's gone so long.

I've kept busy though. My 15 yr old dd and I went downtown to the Festival of the Arts and listened to music and watched dancers from the university. We walked around and looked at artwork and handmade jewelry, Saw Indian dances, and African...it was fun. And it was a perfect day to be out in the open air.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:22pm
It's reassuring to know you're thinking of me. Thanks Mags...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:27pm
I'll adjust yet aGAIN! Sheesh... LOL

I wanted to join the karate class at the beginning, after watching the kids for a session, but there is a guy in there who is drop dead attractive to me. We were flirting big time for a few sessions, but that has dropped off now. So I feel ok about joining in and sweating with the rest of them.

If I can't date him, I can at least throw him, eh? Muahahahahhaaaaaaa. I'd actually like to see if I could hurt him just once...not a LOT, you know...by accident. *evil grin*

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 9:11pm
Hey Candi

I'm just reading this now. Haven't been on the computer much lately.

I'm sorry that you've had to come to this decision about Trav, I know it wasn't easy. I do hope it ends up to be a good decision and that you are okay with it. He's losing a great woman. But I know you're not sure he ever really had you 100%.

Good for you on keeping busy and doing some new things. I think the karate will be very challenging and at the very least, you can get some stress out.

Sorry about your youngest too, wow! I hope my kids never decide to move out until they're going to college but you just never know. The grass is always greener and all that. I do hope that everything is okay there. It's got to be hard to let her go.

Sending warm hugs

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: revenoc
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 9:15am
Interesting. Trav says he wanted to come see me next weekend. I told him I'd like to see more of him and to come if he liked.

I start karate tonight, I've been working out on my own for about a month and practiced some things I was worried about with my kids last night. I won't look exceptional, but I think I'll at least be a low end beginner. LOL...I'm so looking forward to it. You can't imagine how powerful it feels to be getting back in shape. I bounced out of bed a half hour early today. Now I may need a nap at lunchtime. :)

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