Have spoken twice with Carlos - actually

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Have spoken twice with Carlos - actually
10
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 3:46pm

3X. & I am fine with it. I actually have suprised myself that i wasnt more emotional.


The 1st was last Sunday. We didnt talk about "us" or anything serious, just chatted about 15-20'. I decided NOT to offer him the tickets to the show that were his bday gift, & i decided to have a good girflriend go. (i did ask the pilot & he seemed thrilled & said he "needed some culture", but it was only the day b4 & he tried, but couldnt find a sitter in time - he said "But please dont let this preclude you from inviting me to something fun again").

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Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 7:13pm

You're awesome. You're so much cooler than I would be. He's obviously still into you, and it really is too bad that he can't commit.

I like the fact that the pilot would have gone. He seems promising, keep us posted!

Now, for Carlos. I'm glad you're handling this so well, but this man is so making excuses.

The computer thing- he needed an excuse to call. Calling the night of the show- he was hoping you didn't have a date, and was calling to find out. Asking if sleep apnea causes depression- he's telling you he's depressed, wanting you to feel bad for him. Bringing up his birthday- he's trying to remind you of the good times and how well you melded with his family and friends. Telling you there's no one there in his bed- he's letting you know he's not sleeping with anyone...

I don't blame Carlos, I don't think he's playing games, really, just missing you and expressive. It is probable that this is all unconcious on his part, but to me, that's sure as heck what it sounds like.

You're taking an excellent stance as far as thinking SCREW HIM, and I'm glad you didn't tell him you took a girlfriend. you're absolutely right- let him wonder!!

Moody, who keeps it close to the vest


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Avatar for dani20002000
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Registered: 04-16-2000
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 9:44am

I have to say that I really enjoy reading your updates. I was in a similar situation in that I was dating someone for about 6 months and things were really clicking. He moved out of state about 2 months ago and I was devastated. Now that some time has passed I feel so much better about things. I've also spoken on the phone with him and we exchange weekly e-mails and it's fine now. I've re-dipped my foot into the dating pool and have a date set up for this coming Wednesday. I've also received a few calls from two guys that I dated in the past but I viewed them more as FWB's and I'm really not interested in that at this point. I guess what I'm getting at is that yes, you feel sort of crushed and disappointed at the time things fall apart but life certainly does go on. I'm enjoying myself again and I have a good outlook on things also~ I'm a single Mom with three little boys and I'm in school full time for Nursing so dating has to REALLY be squeezed in there but I'm up for the challenge!

Any way~thanks for showing your positive perspective on things. I look forward to your posts~

~Dani~

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Avatar for mom2maggie
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Registered: 05-29-2003
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 4:09pm

Just wanted to say that I'm proud of you!

I also thought it was interesting that Carlos has sleep apnea. My 46-year old bachelor has sleep apnea too.

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Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 10:47pm

Hi R,

Good to hear you are doing okay. I just hope that Carlos doesn't try to rehash and go back to all of that - but it sounds to me like you are in control and that is more than half the battle.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:03am

Thanks - truly, I am suprised at how well I handled it all. I am ... fortunatly or unfortunatly ... pretty good at shutting off my feelings, to be truthful. I guess it comes from growing up with an alcoholic dad - & then having the marriage I did. Plus, I am a big beleiver in fate & "what is meant to be, will be". I also beleive there is a reason for everything & I dont tend to ruminate on things too much (contrary to popular beleif in all those weeks of trying to FIGURE C OUT! lol) ... but once I have my "answer" - which in this situation was, the relationship ending - i am pretty good at moving on.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:04am
Thanks for sharing your situation as well.

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:06am

Maybe thats WHY they are 46 yr old bachelors! It SUCKS to sleep with them! lol

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Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:08am
I think i would be fine if he tried to rehash anything.

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Avatar for mom2maggie
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Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 6:12am

I don't think HN's apnea is as bad as Carlos's is. HOwever, when I'm not at his place he does use a noisy device that does help improve his quality of sleep. When we're together - we really don't try to sleep all that much.

My 46 year old bachelor is not any less screwed up then yours, but I think they have different reasons contributing to their "screwed-upness". Mine did not have a pretty childhood - in fact he suffered from stomach ulcers at the age of 12. He witnessed way too much of his parents' openly nasty divorce and I think his relationship with his mother is pretty complicated. Mine did not grow up in the same kind of loving home that Carlos appears to have experienced.

HN does fear that there will come a day when I need more from him than he will be able to give me, but our relationship is still working because you and I are different. I don't want any more children and I may not ever feel the need to get married again. I know we are exclusive and that it's not only about sex - that's all I really need right now. I'm keeping my life busy with my career and things my children and I want to do. I've been letting HN set the pace. He recently surprised me when he joined me for an evening with my parents - we ate dinner, played pool, darts, and cards. He's joining me and my kids when we go to the mountains for 4 days this summer (he'll have his own room then). As long as we're both having fun - I don't think either of us will feel like we were "wasting time" if we eventually part ways.

We can and do talk about everything. I know that he cares about me. I imagine we won't know how committted we really are to one another until we hit a a really rough spot along the road.




Edited 3/12/2007 6:29 am ET by mom2maggie
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Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 1:14pm

Way to go for keeping your cool. I agree he needs intensive therapy to get over his commitmentphobia.

I don't think he would intentionally jerk you around, but he cycles through loneliness and a need to flee. He might miss you now, but if you started up a romantic thing with him again...he'd run again too. Get more and more distant. It's really unhealthy.