Have you dated a guy with kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Have you dated a guy with kids?
12
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:24pm
Hi to all:

I am new to this board and really like it so far!! What a great group of people.

I am curious to hear all of your experiences as a mom dating a guy who has children from a previous marriage.

Good or bad - please share!!

THANKS!


Edited 6/3/2004 7:28 pm ET ET by west1745

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:13pm
My SO has three kids, two of which he has full custody of...and it has been an interesting ride! The kids are young and we all live together so they spend more time with me than they do their mom (they see her every other weekend), so they look to me for the things that a mom would typically do -tie shoelaces, hugs and bedtime stories, cleaning up bruised knees etc.

It's a really delicate balance. I have had to learn to love the kids as my own (I have a 7 yr old daughter) but not expect them to love me like they do their mom. Also, discipline is tricky. Because they are young, I do play a role in how they are disciplined for minor stuff, but for the big stuff I defer to their father. Luckily we have a very good understanding and agreement on how to discipline children.

If you are just starting out dating and are not that serious yet, the key thing to remember is that he is a father and he has obligations and although he may want to spend alot of his time with you, he can't. You didn't mention if you have kids or not, but if you do, then you will probably totally understand that! And...together you can both understand eachother and make a go of it. :)

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 11:02pm

I'm not very good at this but I'll try. I've dated on and off (mostly off). 1 guy I dated for 3 or so months-he didnt have kids. Another guy I dated for a few months- he did. I felt more "sparks" with the one with kids-he knew where I was coming from and understood that I couldnt' go out at the drop of a hat. The one without kids didnt understand he couldn't call me at 11pm wanting to go out and me being able to go.


I'm more interested in finding someone who has kids. When I meet someone without kids, I tend to wonder "Do they LIKE kids???" cuz my kids are my world and we are a package deal!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 9:53am
I dated a man with a daughter before. It was nice because I enjoyed his company, but the bad parts were pretty bad.

First of all, I didn't know how early on in his divorce he was. His ex was hateful so he used me to validate how great he was. And his ex loved to use their daughter against him because of me. The worst part was that I was never able to be around DD. He was able to be around my DS though. So he would come over but if his ex called to claim DD wanted to stay with him that night, he'd have to jump in his truck and head over. Otherwise, she'd get DD out inthe middle of the night and go looking for him.

I decided that he needed to go. He let his ex control him too much. I would have dated men with kids after that, but I ended up falling for and marrying the man I'm with and he has none of his own. But I know he will be a great daddy when we have our own because he's excellent with my son, Dylan.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:12am
Hi Gabriella, I have missed you here!!

Maggie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:27am

Hi west,


Oh boy, do I have experience.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 11:37am

No I never have. I had the opportunity a few times, but it just didn't "click". I would have.

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 12:30pm

Hi there


I really only dated one man who had kids and it was very casual dating.

Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-04-2004 - 2:04pm
Before DH, I dated (few dates) a couple guys that had kids. The first one was completely a non-involved dad, he paid cs, and took minimal visitation...but nothing else...did not seem interested in his kids at all...I couldn't deal with that. The second had just been awarded full custody of his kids, and was clearly looking for a mommy for them, and wanted one quickly..even mentioned to me (in april) that he wanted to be "settled" by June to give the kids stability when they got out of school..yikes, no thank you.

DH was different...he is the non custodial parent, but still tries to be involved...and our visitation schedules worked out really well, kids gone at the same time, kids home at the same time..it fit this time.

Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 6:07pm

Sherry


I think I remember when you dated that second guy! ha, aren't you glad you got rid of him!?

Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 1:57pm
Yes, I'm extremely glad I'm rid of him...he was a little on the "overwhelming" side...LOL

Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

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