Have you ever...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Have you ever...
16
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:56pm

...dated someone outside of your race? The reason I ask is, being from the area I am from (South central Virginia), mixed racial couples are not looked well upon. There are a lot of couples in mixed relationships and I know that each generation is different. I would not have a problem with my son dating someone that is not caucasian as long as they were good to him and vice versa. His dad on the other hand would throw a fit!

I have conflicting issues with this. I have dated and am still friends with a guy that I dated 3 1/2 years ago that is African American/Puerto Rican. At times we have been FWB but we never go any further because of my family. It's actually my mom, stepdad, and grandparents. When we first started dating, I had told my mom that he was of a different race and she went off. She said she didn't want mixed grandchildren, etc., etc. I have always thought about being in a relationship with him and at times I feel like he wants to be as well. We have had several discussions about this and he tells me that because the closest members of my family aren't okay with it, he doesn't want to go deeper into a relationship. His reasoning...before he met me, his previous gf kept him a secret from her dad and when he found out, he was NOT happy. She broke up with him shortly there after. He has not gotten over that since. I can understand his reservations about getting serious with me because he doesn't want to feel like a freak or outsider.

Sooooo, I date other people and he does his thing. He hasn't really dated anyone but does his own thing, goes on cruizes and trips with his family and this couple that he is good friends with. He loves their children too. They have been friends a long time.

I just get so frustrated sometimes thinking about all of this and how we could possibly have a pretty good relationship if my family would let me. I KNOW that my family should be concerned about my happiness first and not care what he looks like BUT this is southern VA we are talking about.

Now, after all of that rambling, have any of you been in this type of situation or dated outside of your race? What were the reactions if you did?

Jennifer --just rambling today

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: jh12
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:38pm
I don't date blondes! 94.6% Are dark brown or black hair (now somewhat gray.lol). However, the rest of the % were long term blonde boyfriends. LOOL. Don't know why I did it, but I was never ever truly attracted as I was from a tall dark and handsome man. A black man once accused me of being racist, because I didnt want to date him. I said, I don't prefer to date black men, but I also don't date blondes. It's a preference, not a prejudice. I have many black female friends who don't date milk chocolate; only special dark chocolate. Anything less, is considered white to them. LOL. So their ya go!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: jh12
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:40pm
I had a two year FWB with a man that was 6'4 half Asian and half English. So there are a few tall one's.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jh12
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 1:53pm

Well I am glad you got a laugh from my preference. I want to say it IS a preference. I have had relationships with other colored hair women. I grew up, went to school with, worked with, and lived around caucasian people so that has been my world. I don't let hair color drive my dating preference for it is more body type and personality that are the main attractors.

My brother is in the LA area and he loves it because of the large Asian American population down there.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 1:33am

I'm with Judy on this one- telling them where to go...


But really: if you were both really interested in being together, then you should go for it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:14pm

D is worried about how my family will feel. He doesn't want to feel ashamed or uncomfortable about being who he is. I can see his point because I wouldn't want to feel that way either. I don't know if he will ever change his mind no matter how much I try to tell him that I am my own person. I have tried this before but he has still voiced his hesitation.

Oh well. I think we will just have to be friends. He is a very handsome guy and works out so I hope he can find someone who has a family that will accept him for WHO he is not WHAT he LOOKS like. It breaks my heart in a way knowing that I won't be able to change how he feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: jh12
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:17pm

hard to hate someone you hear such GREAT things about for a few months and treats your daughter so wonderfully


I think this is true of reasonable people, but prejudice in itself isn't reasonable so it's often found in unreasonable people.

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