Have you ever been in this position?
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| Fri, 06-04-2004 - 3:36pm |
You are asked VERY casually to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex. You KNOW your SO doesn't particularly like this person, and even (for some unknown reason, and they would never admit this) feels a bit competitive with this person. You do NOT have any discomfort with your co-worker, so you go.
But, do you mention it to your SO? OR, only if it comes up? (But then you might get a "Funny you didn't mention you went to lunch with so and so before now!" sort of accusation) Or do you just MAKE sure that it doesn't come up and therefore end up feeling rather sneaky for something you didn't do wrong?
You might be looking at a fight either way. But really, is there a reason NOT to have gone to lunch?
Putting yourself in someone else's shoes, would it bother you if your SO went on a casual lunch outing with someone you felt you had to compete with, even if you KNEW it was completely unfounded.
Obviously this isn't hypothetical, as it's my situation, but I am curious to know what anyone else would feel/think/do in same position. And it's for discussion's sake mostly.

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I send him chatty email and tell him all about who I have lunch with. I don't lunch with any men right now except my son occassionally. My "indian food" guy friend kept putting down the idea of my relationship with Trav, and I don't talk to him any more. If Trav didn't like someone, for good reasons, I wouldn't hang out with them...because I trust his judgement. That hasn't ever happened, so I don't see it being a problem.
Not sure I helped...*shrugging*
Only out of pure respect for my SO's feelings, and putting the shoe on the other foot (relating how I would feel if he went to lunch with a woman I had issues with), I wouldn't go.
You know how women have certain vibes about other women that men are blind to?
Any sane partner would accept that and quickly get over it.
If the shoe were on the other foot, so long as I trusted my SO, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I mean, I wouldn't want them having lunch together every *day*, but once in a while? No biggie.
Sheri
And is there a reason not to have gone to lunch? Depends...if my SO is feeling insecure about this guy because he's flirting with me, then I wouldn't go at all...or because he just doesn't get on with this guy, then it shouldn't matter. SO just got out of going to lunch with someone he doesn't like.
My SO goes to lunch with attractive women at work all the time...I know they are because I've been to his office and met them. In fact that's where he is right now, at lunch with a woman friend. He's only got women friends, it's an interesting phenomenom...and me, with all the infidelity baggage, trusts him implicitly.
it's an interesting phenomenom...and me, with all the infidelity baggage, trusts him implicitly...Wow, that is really great news. You are healthy in SPITE of all that crap. I have a difficult time with trust, and I've NOT been cheated on. (well, ok, I suspected it with my first fiance, Ty's dad. But only suspected. And that was towards the end of "us")
And I would respect his wishes on a matter like this. Because I would want the same respect.
I have watched many relationships over the years. And the one my secretary has with her husband is extraordinary. They are so in love and have so much fun after 15 years. I know if I asked her this question she would say the same thing as me.
Edited 6/5/2004 11:42 am ET ET by west1745
Mel
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Becky
I've never had this come up but James does work with a lot of women.
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