Haven't told my new friends I'm a mom
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| Sat, 01-14-2006 - 9:59pm |
Hello! I'm new to this board. My son is my pride and joy. He's two.
My dilemma is that I'm 25 and recently divorced. I started going to a church youth group a couple of months ago and have made some friends there. There are also several guys that attract me and I haven't talked about my son to anyone there because I don't want to feel out of place and have people there see me as different or not "date material" because I am already a mom. (Most guys in the group are under 25 and don't have children)
I avoid saying I'm a mother wherever I could meet a new boyfriend so more guys can get interested in knowing me. However, if a guy I like asks me on a date and I know he wants a serious relationship, I would definitely tell him on the first date that I have a son.
By then he knows me a little bit and if the news bother him, then it's his loss.
It's very possible that I'll run into someone from the group while out with my son and then they could think that I haven't been honest.
So I'm confused about how saying or not saying that I'm a mom could affect my new friendships and possible romantic relationships.
Thanks for your comments.

Our children play a very intricate part in our lives. I don't see why you feel that you shouldn't tell people that you're a mother. The fact is that you are different from the people who don't have children...you do, therefore, it sets you a part, so to speak. Be proud of the fact that you have a beautiful 2 year old son and that you are doing this on your own. It's a very hard job raising a child, let alone raising a child as a single parent. I understand in some ways why you wouldn't just come out and tell these people in your youth group, but then again, who better else to tell? These people aren't your judge, they should be there for you and support you in your life, or at least accept who you are. I'm sorry if I'm reading more into this than what is there...but it just seems that you're a little ashamed to tell them or afraid that if you do then some of these guys won't like you. Well...so what? If they don't like you b/c you have a child then they weren't worth it in the first place. If someone didn't consider me "date material" b/c I have a daughter, then their loss, not mine. My daughter is my heart and soul and she's not going to take a back seat to anyone, especially some guy who sees her as a burden instead of a wonderful little person who is a part of me.
But...as for them not thinking that you were not honest if they saw you out...just say that it never came up in conversation...maybe you keep your private life private, you know? I don't know...I just wouldn't make a big deal about it - you never know, maybe they won't either.
Kait
Welcome to the board, it's great to have new faces!
Honey, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
HI there ch_mommy and welcome to our board. Glad you found us.
I agree with the others that you don't need to bring this up with the group if you don't want to. But the longer you go without saying something the more awkward it is going to get.
I think that they won't mind nearly as much as you think. I think that if you are okay with being a mom they will be okay with it. It is all in how you present things.
Really, you are who you are and if someone doesn't like it then that is their loss and you don't want to be around someone who is close minded and judgemental.
There is nothing wrong with you for what you have been through and you deserve to be in the youth group as much as any of them - and it is a church group - so that means they should be welcoming to all.
Take care and keep us posted. Enjoy DS!!
Thank you for your advice and for not being judgemental and thinking I'm ashamed of having my son cause nothing is farther from the truth. I just need an adult life too where I can feel like just me and not a mommy, divorced woman, or any other label, and also like to keep "private life private."
I have concluded that I will tell new people in my life I have a son when the time is and feels right. :)