Having a bad day ..... I think its

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Having a bad day ..... I think its
8
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 3:48pm

hitting home that C is out of my life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 4:24pm

{{{{HUGS!!}}}}

The thing with your ex is such a mess. I haven't been through nearly what you have, but I do empathize with the wanting to help, hopeless feeling- especially since it's your child's father. It's so hard to watch someone spiral out of control, knowing that spiral will in some way affect your child, and be able to do nothing about it.

The thing is, your ex has no one because of the kind of person he is. He had you, and I'm sure you were as helpful and wonderful then as you are now. It wasn't any good, for either of you, and so now he's just going to have to put on his big boy pants and deal with life.

As far as C- I kind of liken this feeling right after a break-up to alcholism, drug use, or any other addiction. You think if you could just have one tiny sip, you'd feel so much better and be able to cope with the rest of the day. But it never works that way, and having one tiny sip is such a huge relapse that it's even harder to get through tomorrow, and then you want a little bit of a bigger sip.

I know you know this, I'm just trying to reaffirm what you already know. You're doing the right thing, and I know you know that, too. You are an amazingly strong person, I admire you so much.

If your other friends aren't free, see if the lawn boy is!

Moody, wondering what movie you'll see


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 4:59pm
I know it's hard, but believe me it will get easier as time passes. What helped me a lot was whenever I would find myself missing my xbf and having strong urges to contact him,I would write down my feelings in an healing(or agony)journal until the mood passed. I also had a lot of bad feelings and bad memories to draw on when the warm, fuzzy feelings
started. In your case since you have no bad memories to draw upon, think about his non-commital stance and get angry if you have to(sometimes anger can be healing).
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 7:19pm

Yikes, sounds like things came crashing down on you. Take care and know your feelings are healthy and normal.

I've had a rough winter too with family, kid, friends, ailing senior dogs ex husband's recent criminal activity, etc. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep wishing for a normal day of folding laundry and work.

Yesterday I pulled my son out of his classroom permanently because of an incompetent teacher who is damaging his self esteem adn undoing much of his mathermatical learning. The principal won't change classroom so Now I will either have to figure out how to homeschool quickly or face truancy charges. sigh.

So don't feel alone. You seem to be the type to reach out when you need to. That's a great habit.

I read a great article on love and why it feels so good to fall into it and why it hurts to break up. The break up part stimulates the part of the brain that is also active whne there is physical pain! You can probably look this article up, since you are a nurse and all. But any way, try an ibuprophen! Maybe that will help or even have a placebo effect.

I sometimes look at Match when I am heart broken. I wink at hot lawyers, skydivers, and pilots who live in exotic places.

Well. None of that probably helps. You are admrable for standing up for yourself. very much so. :)
Ubers

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 8:30pm

Sorry to hear your day was so bad. Everyone here gives such good advice - the only thing I can add is that if you do contact Carlos it might make you feel better for the moment, but then it starts the grieving process all over again. They say it takes 3 weeks to really get over someone.

I hope you can find a way to get out of the house when you don't have your DD - that helps. And you do have us - we are always here to listen.

Sorry that your exh is being so incompetent. That is scary with your DD. One of these days it seems he just has to wake up and get his act together!!

HUGS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 9:18pm

Rebecca,


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Believe me when I say I COMPLETELY understand what you're going through right now.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:19am

Thanks Girls - Im ok.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:00am

I'm glad you fought the urge to call or email. I've been through this too and I tried a technique that I found on iVillage a long time ago. When I wanted to call or email, I got out a pad of paper and wrote down 3 positive sentences (things I wanted for my life..one was romantic and the others were just life stuff). I wrote each sentence about 20 times. Yeah, a little OCD of me, but by the time I stopped writing I didn't want to call or email anymore and I felt good. I repeated the process each time I felt like making contact with the ex. Sometimes, I wrote 2x a day.

By the end of 21 days of this (3 weeks to break an addiction), I had moved on and I haven't wanted to contact that person ever since. Not that he was a bad, horrible person, I just had no interest in him anymore.

(if you call or email, it sets you back to square one, back to day #1. i made that mistake once before i could stick to the program of no contact).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:24pm
Sorry to read about your break-up...............I haven't been posting, but just reading for awhile. Try not to contact him- he was a fool to let you go. It will just end up hurting you. At the very least, think of the time you have saved yourself by ending this now, instead of a few months (years?) in the future. He might be a great guy, but he is not the great guy for you...........