He called after 3 weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
He called after 3 weeks
11
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:07am

If you will recall I was so proud of myself for ending it with the guy I was seeing. Well he called yesterday evening and we talked on the phone for like almost 2 hours. It was kind of funny, he said it was like I hit him with a baseball bat and he's had to pick himself up and shake his head. He wants me to give him a second chance.

Girls I don't know what to do. We seem to match on so many levels but I cannot be around some one that drinks a lot. He wants to quit so he can see me. During the conversation, he kept saying he drinks because he's bored and he has not had anyone in his life to share and do things with. He has to stay busy. He wants a good woman in his life and he's found her.

Also, from May 19 up until June 28 we spent almost every weekend together. It was a very busy time for me, keeping up with DD, helping with running little league, keeping up with work (full time and part time job) that by the time I told him he couldn't see me anymore I just wanted to be left alone. I'm not kiddin, I didn't want to be around ANYBODY. He called all the time and when I didn't call him when he knew I would have time, he would call. I wasn't getting anything done. After a while I just threw up my hands and didn't do anything. My DD went to FL Aug 4 - 11 and I spent the whole week coming home after work doing what I wanted to do and just listening to "quiet". IT WAS SO AWESOME. Neither phones were ringing off the hook, no one running in and out, music (that I didn't want to listen to) wasn't bouncing off the walls all over the house. It was almost like I got overwhelmed with everything and everyone.

He is such a sweet man other than the drinking part. He's baby's the heck out of me (which is something I've never had) and he's easy to talk with and sometimes we don't have to talk at all and it's not awkward. He's offered to do things around my house but I don't let him because that would be too wierd for me.

At any rate, I told him his request for a 2nd chance was being processed but I could not give him an answer right away because for me it would be a HUGE risk. I asked him to really think about the choice he will be making and he WILL have to be comfortable with that and also he would have to try it on his own to make sure he's comfortable.

I'm comfortable with his man otherwise and I missed his companionship but not all the time.

Emma (trying to get her brains to process this)

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:58pm

My father and mother are both alocoholics. Not EXTREME, but alcoholics nonetheless are all in the same boat to me. I have dated men, including my x husband that have had drinking issues and were able to walk away from it. However, I don't stick around alcholics and when I date someone I am very careful to watch the alcohol intake. I sometimes drink a glass of wine or a beer at home maybe (and that is a huge maybe) once the month, but it has to be, because my day was extremely rough and usually I will invite a girlfriend over. In rare cases do I drink a glass alone. I just worry about wanting it more one day. I used to drink a bottle of champagne every day or two in Europe for a year, until I realized that what I was doing was alcohol abuse. I gave it up cold turkey, but sometimes I have a huge urge for some bubbly. That is when I'll pour myself a glass of orange juice in a wine glass and sip on it. I know my children are also subseptible because of the family line, so I make sure they understand the severity of addictions that come in all shapes and sizes.

My thing is that he would have to show a HUGE sign of change. Like sticking to an AA group and getting the true help he needs without using you as a crutch. Doing it on his own and showing his strength to change and want a better life for himself; not just talking about it.

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