Is he a chatter or a dater?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Is he a chatter or a dater?
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:32pm

I have been talking with this guy by email through POF for about a week. I ask questions, he answers, then asks me questions. We have talked by email daily. I would like to meet the guy IRL, but I know I can't make him ask me unless he wants to. is there an subtle way to drop hints? Should I ask? I am not a pursuer type, I love being chased. Suggestions? Advice?

Another guy moved to texting me daily. Yesterday, he texted while I was at work, and I couldn't answer it, and ultimately forgot to answer his text until tonight. I thought that wasn't a bad thing, the chase and all. So I apologized, but now he hasn't texted me back. He had mentioned doing something last night earlier in the week, but never mentioned it again. So my thought is, big baby, I have a job, and can't play all the time when I am at work.

I have been sent a couple of e's asking if I was real! lol. I could be a cougar with all of the 20 somethings that want to meet me. I am still not really looking, only responding to those that e me. So I pat myself on the back for that. Staying true to me!

eta: He wants to meet! We will see. I won't hold my breath, but we seem to have a lot in common. will he ask me for my number? Dramatic music plays!

Edited 4/16/2010 11:15 pm ET by sweetkymom
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 1:12am

I see it wastes time to text or email for the purpose is to meet to see if there is any chemistry. I have had great e-interactions but in person it is different.

My suggestion is not to do more than 1/2 dozen e-exchanges and move onto an actual phone call or face-to-face meeting. I think you get a sense of someone after that number, enough to know if you want to actually meet.

How to suggest that? Just say, I am looking to date someone not to have an online relationship/pen pal. If you are open to that then let me know, otherwise I need to move on.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 3:24am

I have said to MANY an email on line dating guy after a few days, if they havent initiated a date "So, are you up to meeting for

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 8:15am

I agree with you all...I don't want pen pals. Like R. said about putting it in her profile, I recently saw a man on POF (I'm just looking--my profile isn't up there any more) that said just that...I thought that was refreshing. I agree with Mark's 1/2 dozen emails or so, then let's meet.

GL SweetKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 10:58am

I've had email exchanges with guys who ask for a number and never initiate a date. Others where I ask questions (chatty, getting to know you kinds, nothing deep) and the responses are answers to my questions, yet nothing more! I always wonder why they bother responding to my emails if they aren't interested in meeting. I went through this routine with one guy two times, he SEEMED interested both times, but after about 5 email exchanges the second time around, with no suggestion of meeting, I just stopped responding to his email.

Maybe they think they're being polite? Or maybe they like having a virtual harem? Who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 11:34am
Give him your number and tell him that you would like to meet if he wants to call and set up a time. You're putting the ball in his court.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 04-18-2010 - 12:20pm
So as I said before at the end of my first post, he said he wanted to meet me. I e'd back that I would like to meet too! I told him to tell me when and where and what he wanted to do. He said he was really flexible, so let him know when. I e'd back and said Friday. He lives almost an hour away, so if things were good, I didn't want to have to cut the date short because I had to get to bed for work the next morning. I also told him that since I decided the time, he could decide what we did. Although I did suggest meeting for dirnks and just taking it from there, and I gave him my number. For me that was bold! H said it all sounded great and that he would call to work out the details. We are still e'ing about once a day. I am excited to meet him, but know that he may not even call! I seem to be waiting for the time he doesn't respond, but so far so good. Said he was looking forward to seeing me. I'll let you all know.