He doesn't want to meet my kids...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
He doesn't want to meet my kids...
Sun, 04-29-2012 - 1:15pm

We've been dating a little over a month.  We are pretty casual and agreed not to rush into a commitment or sex.

He doesn't want to meet my kids.   To me that feels kind of awkward like we're sneaking around.  My kids meet new people all the time and dont read too much into it.  I wouldn't date him if I didn't think they would like him.

A guy friend says that to many men, meeting the kids implies a commitment.

To me it is just inconvenient...he won't come by the house when they are around, we can't have him over for dinner, if there is an event I'd like to enjoy with him and/ or my kids, I have to choose.

I've avoided discussion and I don't intend to pester him to change his mind, I'd just like to understand his point of view a little better.  I'm hoping there will come a moment where it seems more natural to him to meet them than not and then it will just be over with.   (he was briefly introduced to my older daughter who came home unexpectedly and went right back out, and seemed a little rattled by it)

But to me, it seems like he is refusing to meet the other half of me.  I'm not two separate people, parenthood isn't a hat I take on and off as needed.  How is he truly going to get to know the real me if he avoids it so dutifully? 

If it feels to me like he is trying to maintain some sort of control of the pace of the relationship, is that a bad thing for me or a healthy thing for him? I should assume he sets these boundaries for a reason.