Is he Interested -- My OLD Experience
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| Fri, 07-15-2005 - 11:10am |
Scenario
I met a guy (we both are 44 yo) on OLD and we conversated briefly on the phone/email and quickly decided to meet in person since when I initially met him he had taken down his profile due to frustration. Ironically he had contacted me through Instant Messenger and I replied since I saw his picture (he was cute!). Anyway last Saturday (worked extra hours) while on his way to work we met at the KFC for a brief "meet and greet"! Based upon the conversation, we were both attracted to each other and wanted to communicate further. Steady eye-to-eye contact -- I mean I was really intrigued by him. He stated his days off are Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
So, I get home and had an IM message from him which basically said "what's up lady??". By the time I responded, he was offline and I said "enjoyed meeting you and look forward to talking soon." On Tuesday, I called him and left him a voice mail message to see how his week was going. Last night I had a hair appointment and when I got home he had called but didn't leave a message. This morning from work, I called and left him a message stating, "sorry I missed your call, want to talk with you again, and also asked him about his availability this weekend". Left my work number for a return call.
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Lil Background
I know when I met him he was truly frustrated by his OLD experience, stating women were not really serious about wanting an LTR. He made reference to the fact that women post profiles on various sites -- being conservative on one site and provocative on another site. He doesn't have a problem with conservative/provocative -- but be the same on ALL sites.
Also, since my son is away for the summer, I have been a social butterfly. He has made small comments -- for instance, the few times we were online at the same time he may send an IM saying "Hello Lady" and I would respond "hey, just getting ready to walk out the door, blah, blah," and he would respond "of course, should have known." During this time though wasn't really trying to sit at the computer and conversate for long periods of time since we had not met yet. I have DSL and now click off the IM when I'm not online.
Also, we had tried to hook up sooner than last Saturday for a "meet and greet" but I had other plans.
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Problem
Do you think he is interested in me? Bothered by my "social butterfly" status -- or thinks that I may be dating various OLD guys?? Is his frustration getting the best of him -- so he is not making much of an effort? Could be all of the above, but of course, HJNITY???
I must admit that I'm doing a bit more than usual (staying in touch) because I have been so unavailable and want to give him a sense that I'm not out there in the streets with other men since I met him and truly find him interesting and would like to know more about him. Yes, other men are writing to me, but I'm not trying to meet them because my mind is on him! DARN!!! (smile)
Your thoughts??

Hi, what does HJNITY mean?
Anyway, your guess is as good as mine as to what he's thinking. If he's frustrated, there is very little you can do about that, he'll need to come to terms with his own feelings. It's no good to assume anything. I think you've done enough to let him know you are interested in him. You've called him twice and responded to his inquiries. If he's interested in you, he's going to respond. I wouldn't call or contact him again unless he responds to you, otherwise you will be chasing him. He should be chasing you!
And on a side note: When a man is in a frustrated state over dating and feeling distrustful of women in general, it may not be a good time to approach. Also, it could be an indication of the type of women he's pursuing too. There are 100's of women out there looking for LTR, and there are probably 100's more just looking for a good time. The problem could be in the choices he is making. But then, he chose you, so maybe he is getting smart. It's not up to you to prove him wrong. But maybe just have a little patience and wait and see what he does. You just keep going about your life. The idea is not to change YOU to fit with him. You need to continue to be yourself, and if he can't handle it, move on.
I think HJNTIY means "He's Just Not That Into You"
I agree with orange clouds - don't call - let him pursue - he has to make up his mind he wants you and he has to pursue you hard and fast - or he is not worth it. You just have to stay busy and wait and see. If he does that is great and if he doesn't that is great too - you will meet a better one.
Did you ever watch the show In The Real World on MTV? It is a goofy reality show about single people in their 20s - they put 7 strangers in a house - and there is one wild girl who is just a scream. Anyway, the reason I want to point this out is those girls are looking good, having a good time and they are not doting on any one guy. That is the attitude you need to have. And when the right one comes along who is into you - he will give you a good chase and make you feel special. Until then you just have to wait - there is nothing you can really do to hurry this or get it - just be out there with an attitude that you are as HOT as those girls.
I will settle for nothing less.
I think he's wanting YOU to prove to HIM that you're not like the other girls he's been trying to date- and I would advise that you don't. It's not up to you to make him feel secure or to reassure him a million times. It's up to you to live your life and enjoy your freedom while your son is away for the summer- if he can't accept that, it's his loss. (By the way, my son is off visiting his dad for a month right now too!)
So whether he's interested or not isn't the concern, because he will show how interested he is by his actions. Continue to go out and make plans, and also continue to respond to his calls/ messages/ emails. You'll either get together and have some fun, or things will continue to slip through the cracks until one of you gives up.
But I would TRULY be wary of the pitiful dog needing attention routine- that's a big flag for a demanding partner.
Alison
AMEN DARLIN!
Totalllllllllllyyyyyyyyy agree here!