he keeps me a secret!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2006
he keeps me a secret!
4
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 12:45pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 2:05pm

1st, Welcome!


Well, lets see. In reality, 4 months isnt that long, & I can see his wanting some time in that regard. BUT, it throws a WHOLE different lite on it when he is getting love texts from his X. AND ... you say I have absolutely no expectation that he'll actually do it though.


That doesnt give you much faith in the relationshnip. SO ... i would follow thru on your threat b/c it seems as if something is fishy!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 2:11pm
I can see keeping a relationship kind of secret when someone has LITTLE kids--but hey, his kids are grown. So what if they don't approve? They really don't have a say in how he runs his life, so I would wonder how long he is planning to keep you a secret. If he really feels ashamed to show you to the kids because you are their age, then the relationship is doomed anyway. Like if I decided to become a cougar and date a really young guy, I would know that I would only be doing it for temporary fun--I would never introduce him to my kids because I wouldn't look at it like a real LTR possibility, so maybe it's time to have a talk about how he sees the 2 of you (although it's kind of early). Yes, I definitely think he should tell his ex immediately at least that he is involved w/ someone so she stops sending him love messages.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 2:15pm

Hello and Welcome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2010
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 2:28pm

Hello, and welcome to SMAD
ITA w/ the PP. It does not bode well for LTR when he acts ashamed of the relationship. Since you met in divorce recovery, I am presuming you are also fairly newly divorced. This relationship sounds more like a classic healing relationship, something to get you both moving on in life but not something that will last.
There are lots of red flags as others have already pointed out. You have to decide when you are ready to move on to a relationship with someone who will want to yell from the rafters how much he adores you.
You will find that the majority of the people on this board wait a long time before introducing a SO to their kids. It seems to work out better for the kids that way, unless the kids are adults, then it should not be a big deal.

QB