He loves me, but could leave if.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
He loves me, but could leave if.....
13
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 11:17am
Okay, here's a long story as short as I could possibly get it... been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We've met the parents (and his flew in from CA to Chicago to meet my parents and I) the "I Love Yous" have been said, and there have been innuendos toward some serious issues (kids, spending the rest of his life with me, a ring, etc.)

I'm in no rush for these things, however, I was hoping that we were headed in that direction. Just to note: he's been the one to bring up or hint to the serious issues.

Problem: I have a son, which he barely knows and hasn't gotten close to. He spends his time with me when my son is with his dad, and schedules his days so he works when I have my son. I had to moveback in with my parents b/c I went back to college, and he doesn't feel comfortable at their house, not to mention he's terrribly allergic to cats, of which there are like 7 in the house. His house is being remodeled, or at least that's his excuse, so he doesn't feel comfortable with my son going there for the most part.

Recently he told me that he was afraid to get close to him for a few reasons, the most important being that his job could move him miles and miles away and he doesn't want Max (my son) to get attached.

But I informed him that if he moved, it was most likely that I would have to stay here as well, because I have joint custody, and the only way to move away with my son would be if I got remarried and my husband got a job somewhere, or if I got a new job somewhere. And even then there would have to be a court battle.

So now I'm basically finding out that he wants to be with me and he loves me, but if a promotion drags him acoss the country, he's going to take it and that would be all for us.

Do I stay with him and set myself up for heartbreak, or do I cut my losses now and hope that he doesn't get moved until he decides that I am possibly 'the one?'

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:09pm
Mel,

What a coincidence, my boyfriend is in the car business as well, so you understand why I would be concerned about his leaving. TO fill all of you in on what has happened so far, my boyfriend came over yessterday aftersoon to spend some time with my son and I. Later that evening I went to his house with a long thought out letter I had written, and he read it. WE talked about it, and if you guys want I can post the letter later. He basically said that I mean the world to him and that he doesn't want to ever think about us not being together. He said he wants to get married and have a family too someday. He said that he has purposely passed on promoting to new districts because he doesn't want to leave. THan he said something to the effect of his feelings being all about me, and that he wants to be with me forever. And he reassured me that I wasn't just someone to bide his time with until he moved and met a girl with lesss baggage. Then we joked about the possibility of my ex moving to wherever we might have to move.

As for the details of the custody agreement. I'm in INdiana, and the law here is that the custodial parent can move no more than 100 miles away WITHIN the state of INdiana, but to leave the state I must file a petition with the court stating a good reason why I intend to move and want my son to join me...either a job transfer or my husband needing to relocate. Please pardo my typs, but this keyboard is jurassic...plus my ex and I share straight 50/50 custody....it's confusing....I know.

I don't know what will happen but I want to thank you guys for your support and advice. I will definitely keep with this board. THere are some really great people here.

THank you!

Tiffany

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:54pm
Good luck and keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:58pm
I'm in Texas and custody laws are different from state to state. My custodial agreement is in Mississippi because we lived there when I divorced, but I moved to Texas right when I separated from him. I live about 4 hours from the ex now. But I am allowed to move where ever I choose. My husband is a manager in the car business so I understand where you're coming from on moving. It can happen anytime and of course you can decide to not take the offer. My husband gets ofers form other vendors all the time. Just take it slow and it will all work out as it should.

Mel

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