Thanks for asking me all these questions.. I would rather you ask me now than 5 years later if I make a mistake. I have been doing more thinking. we do meet at work, but since all this happened I have drastically cut down on my calls and I didnt ask him over last night..Today I went out with a girlfriend and I wont call today also. I will give him and myself enough time to think. I just want him to think more and come up with plans on how to go from here..I have tol him that.. I also told that we will cut down on meeting inside the house for a while so we can talk.
also yes I decided on no moving in with him.. 100%..I need to clear all these and see a ring before I will think about it next.
As for am I in love.. fact is everytime I felt that Iam in love he brought me down .. with something like this..I feel we havent been able to fly together
I agree with all of you that I should not move in with him at any cost. Not untill all these things are cleared up and not untill I see the ring.
I am starting to feel if he will ever be convinced of the type of connection needed. I have been feeling that I am the one who is more enthusiastic about moving things forward . I want to see that from him.. and that too very soon. If he is slow.. then I am sorry I wont wait till he can decide. and I dont want to sit here and obsess with why he wont move fast. That is the reason I thought I will go on coffee dates. I just want to shift my thought from him some how and see if he does anything to move things from here.
I decided that I wont make any more excuses for him. If he is slow in deciding I am not waiting..If he cant call me and discuss on what our plans should be from here, I am not doing anything in that regard. I want to see enough motivation from him. Granted he is not needy..But okay if he feels that he will lose me..I would like to see some reaction from him and that too pretty soon. Otherwise in my book it is just not worth it.
I will give him few days and see how he plans on moving forward.. Does he brings up a discussion on everything that happened and where exactly he see us.
he seems to be just comfortale the way things are.. Coming over, cooking and watching movies cuddling.. But once a seriosu discussion came I didnt feel like he thought that we had that great a connection. I am not letting him get comfortable anymore with our schedules. If he loves me enough he will fight to get me.Otherwise I will have to date others and see how I feel.
Being around this board has made me see things really differently..If it was the old me, I would have just ignored this issue or killed myself thinking about it and may
Ah yes - you are GOOD! We are all learning from you and this thread. I like that you put YOU first!
I think he needs time to reflect on his own thoughts and to miss you. You have been in a whirlwind between the holidays, the talk about moving in and marriage and he is just getting confused. Better to find out now if he will commit or not commit rather than waste more time.
Good for you. I think you are so smart to be on this track. I had a relationship a few years back that lasted a year or so and he couldnt move forward so I broke it off. Then a few months later ( months!) he wanted back in and I will a;ways remember what my Dad said to me: " Any man that would watch you walk out the door, hear it close, feel the room without you and not chase you down the hallway isnt the man you want" I have to say I have always remembered that. If Biker isnt willing to stick it out and fight for the two of you, you are right to move on and explore other options.
"" Any man that would watch you walk out the door, hear it close, feel the room without you and not chase you down the hallway isnt the man you want" "
Yes it has really stuck with me, I'll tell you. Only people who have truly loved you can see that someone who would let you go easily is a total idiot I guess - or maybe just that they arent capable of seeing you clearly or knowing your worth. All reasons to say "next" I guess. Some of it I know has to do whether two people are compatible with each other ( duh right?) but more and more I am thinking that sometimes people are truly compatible and one of them is just unwilling to shelve their pride for half a second or compromise or lose a minute of control and they end up sabotaging themselves. Its scary to think that we could be with who we are meant to be and in our own haze still watch them leave and do nothing but I think it happens a lot. And I guess if we see that or know that someone is blocked enough to allow it ( maybe even outside romantic relationships) we should see this as a red flag. I know I definitely want to be with someone who is able to put their pride aside, find forgiveness and compromise and allow themselves to love unconditionally no matter how scary it feels. Unfortunately, a lot of people I think believe there is a work around for these things in modern day dating life. And in the poster's case, she will know soon I think where he falls in all of this. I think in his possible defense, some men need processing time ( some women too). My ex and I were in couples counseling and that is one thing that has really helped us even to this day - he needs time to process before he decides certain things and I dont. I have learned to tell him something, allow him to think about it and then expect an answer the next day.
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Pacific,
Thanks for asking me all these questions.. I would rather you ask me now than 5 years later if I make a mistake. I have been doing more thinking. we do meet at work, but since all this happened I have drastically cut down on my calls and I didnt ask him over last night..Today I went out with a girlfriend and I wont call today also. I will give him and myself enough time to think. I just want him to think more and come up with plans on how to go from here..I have tol him that.. I also told that we will cut down on meeting inside the house for a while so we can talk.
also yes I decided on no moving in with him.. 100%..I need to clear all these and see a ring before I will think about it next.
As for am I in love.. fact is everytime I felt that Iam in love he brought me down .. with something like this..I feel we havent been able to fly together
I agree with all of you that I should not move in with him at any cost. Not untill all these things are cleared up and not untill I see the ring.
I am starting to feel if he will ever be convinced of the type of connection needed. I have been feeling that I am the one who is more enthusiastic about moving things forward . I want to see that from him.. and that too very soon. If he is slow.. then I am sorry I wont wait till he can decide. and I dont want to sit here and obsess with why he wont move fast. That is the reason I thought I will go on coffee dates. I just want to shift my thought from him some how and see if he does anything to move things from here.
I decided that I wont make any more excuses for him. If he is slow in deciding I am not waiting..If he cant call me and discuss on what our plans should be from here, I am not doing anything in that regard. I want to see enough motivation from him. Granted he is not needy..But okay if he feels that he will lose me..I would like to see some reaction from him and that too pretty soon. Otherwise in my book it is just not worth it.
I will give him few days and see how he plans on moving forward.. Does he brings up a discussion on everything that happened and where exactly he see us.
he seems to be just comfortale the way things are.. Coming over, cooking and watching movies cuddling.. But once a seriosu discussion came I didnt feel like he thought that we had that great a connection. I am not letting him get comfortable anymore with our schedules. If he loves me enough he will fight to get me.Otherwise I will have to date others and see how I feel.
Being around this board has made me see things really differently..If it was the old me, I would have just ignored this issue or killed myself thinking about it and may
Ah yes - you are GOOD! We are all learning from you and this thread. I like that you put YOU first!
I think he needs time to reflect on his own thoughts and to miss you. You have been in a whirlwind between the holidays, the talk about moving in and marriage and he is just getting confused. Better to find out now if he will commit or not commit rather than waste more time.
Keep us posted!! We like having you here!
" Any man that would watch you walk out the door, hear it close, feel the room without you and not chase you down the hallway isnt the man you want"
I have to say I have always remembered that. If Biker isnt willing to stick it out and fight for the two of you, you are right to move on and explore other options.
"" Any man that would watch you walk out the door, hear it close, feel the room without you and not chase you down the hallway isnt the man you want" "
OOOOH - good one!
Dance,
I am glad you have been able to think about things and really evaluate what's going on...more time
Hi Dance,
Sorry you're going through a rough time after being so certain of things last week...
I'm new to the board...searching for women who understand what's it's like to be me.
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