He needed to be "alone", now I am alone
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| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 3:01pm |
Hi girls; it's been awhile and glad to be back. You haven't heard from me because I was in a great relationship. (Isn't that how it goes?!) Anyway, he was a single dad and his daughter and my son are 1 month apart, both now 2-1/2. Everything was great, really great. On Tuesday one week ago, he explained to me that he was having some financial difficulty. (One reason for that is he pays a lot of child support handled out of courts, which he is trying to take care of, but it's taking awhile), and some other issues that are out of his hands. Anyway, none of his problems have anything to do with me. We were together for five months, and never had one fight. So anyway he called me two days ago and said that he needs to be alone, that he just needs some time to get his life together.
He could not give me a certain timeframe on how much time he needs, so I am pretty certain that is over for good, which hurts so much because we have so much in common and I am in love with him.
So really my question today is, any insight on this, and if it is over how do I prevent this from happening again? What are some warning signs that a man is not ready? He was only apart from his ex for six months, so I am sure that is part of the problem. Another thing is, what can I do as a full time single mother to meet/make friends? My son is only 2 so I can't meet any mothers thru school. I have one close friend, and female family members and that is it. I know some single moms do activities when their child is at their father's, but that is not the case here. Thanks for listening...any advice is truly appreciated.

Hi Shelly,
Sorry you had to go through this - we welcome you back with big hugs.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he has only been apart from his ex for 6 months. You also struck another nail when you said you have a hard time meeting new friends since you have a 2 year old.
I think you probably did everything right but you have timing against you. Dating with kids and ex's and such thing and a little older is all difficult - not the same as being a teen. So there is risk. And since he wasn't apart from his ex that probably made it hard. And since you are a single mom you find it hard to have a social life and I think that works against you, too.
So now what to do? You have to think of ways to get more activities and people into your life, but not for the purpose of dating - for the purpose of making yourself happy and not lonely all on your own. Maybe this is classes, church, working out, something, anything and the more the better. It is hard with a two year old and you will get more time as you go but for now you have to make time for yourself.
I am hoping there is a way for you to get a sitter or your family so you can get out one or two nights a week - even just to take a class. Think of all the things you want to do with your life - make a list - and start checking them off.
Don't live your life as though it has to have a relationship to matter.
Then when you are happy and fulfilled the right one will come along.
Stay here with us and participate - you will gain a lot of insight and we will enjoy your voice/opinion.
I am sure the others will have advice and tips for you, too.
Shelly,
As Judy said, we welcome you back with open arms.
Sorry that it had to be under these circumstances, but you have to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that everyone comes into our lives to teach us something about ourselves.