He promised a surprise -- and I got it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
He promised a surprise -- and I got it!
7
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 2:22pm

on thursday, the guy I've been seeing on and off for 2 months and talking to everyday, multiple times a day promised me a surprise. Laughed and carried on about how I just had to wait and see and that he had something for my child as well. I talked to him briefly Friday morning and haven't heard from him since.

Today, on my lunch break, he walked into the same restaurant as I and ignored me. No acknowledgment whatsoever. As we sat down to eat, a girl walked up to him and he put his hand on her hip and talked into her ear. She left and he and his friend got their food and left also.

Guess I got my surprise, huh?

Why do men lie? Why do they say things they don't mean? I never asked for it! I was okay just being friends. But he made me promises. Talked about me going with him to visit his parents, about how he thought about me often, how the way we were headed we'd end up married, how there was something different about me and how he was so very comfortable with me.

I never asked for lies. I was happy just going to dinner and talking and not pushing things. I never asked for him to make things something they weren't! Why'd he have to make promises and build things up?

with each passing relationship disaster, I get more and more gunshy, more fearful, more untrusting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 3:50pm
I'm surprised he didn't jump out of the bushes and say "Surprise! I'm a jerk!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 6:46pm

Some people are all talk, and they don't care about how they hurt others.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 9:03pm

That is disappointing and discouraging at best.

A few thoughts for you -

- What was the status of your "relationship" with him? Were you just casually dating without sex? Or having sex and casually dating with the hope of something more committed but unspoken?

Guys often take the path of least resistance because they do not want to have conflict. They will only give what you ask for. I think that he felt an attraction towards this woman and maybe you too. But it sounds like you two were on different pages for what you wanted.

I am not sure of the story - will wait and hear what you say - but maybe for next time you can remain more casual in the beginning and be more upfront for what you want.

If you WERE all of those things - then just chalk this one up to not ready and not that into you and now you are glad you are not wasting your time. Keep your standards high and your goals set and then you will find it.

HUGS!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 10:34am

it started off just friends and then turned in to friends and sex. But it wasn't always sex. We would spend time together without having sex also. I should have known better. He just kept saying things...

Augh! Men! lol I know they aren't all bad! just have to keep looking to find one that isn't!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 6:26pm
Well, as a guy I can tell you we are cowards when it comes to certain things. Sometimes we'll tell you what you want to hear because we think it's expected. Then when reality sets in we completely shut down and go the other way. If you felt like you were really good friends with him you could try to talk to him about what happened. If he is dismissive and a jerk about it, then lesson learned I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 7:54pm

Is this the dude that you met two weeks ago and posted about elsewhere on the board? Perhaps two weeks isn't enough to completely ensnare this guy. Give it more time, and DON'T let on that he has to prove himself to you. Instead of reaffirming negative qualities such as "There are no good men" and "Why do men lie" (suggesting the motivation for men lying is different than for women), you should really espouse positive things you want to feel. Consider the abundance of needy women who feel men need to prove themselves rather than exist in some mutual comradery (pleeze... if romantic fairy tales have taught us anything, it's the importance of gender roles). If you can pretend to be self supportive and act out a life of your own, complete with goals and hobbies, you'll be a stud magnet. I guarantee you'll snag us guys by the truckloads (most of us are no good... but wade through them looking for your prize). It should prove to be a match made in Heaven (well... for the next two weeks anyway).

Your various threads are the reason I've joined this group! Yay! Seeeee... it's already working!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 8:27pm

Angel,


You weren't "seeing" this guy for the last two months, you were giving him the benefits of a girlfriend (ie. sleeping with him) but without committment.


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