Is he ready to be a father figure?
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Is he ready to be a father figure?
| Thu, 10-28-2004 - 3:43pm |
Hi I am a 22year old single mother. I have a 3year old son who is my world. I have been dating this guy for over a year now and we have talked about marriage and getting a house together,but that's all he does is just talk about it. I don't know if he is just scared of committment or what. I have asked him if he is ready to be a father figure to my son and to have a marriage and he has told me yes, but his actions don't show that. He can't save money very well. He doesn't really have any debt because he got rid of that while he was over seas in iraq, but he likes to go out and have a good time. His big thing is going to bars and hanging out. He ends up spending a good amount of money and he always buys rounds for other people. I have asked him to stop and he will but then he goes back to it again. We both have ok jobs and are able to pay our bills, so I don't understand why he keeps saying that we aren't going to be able to afford to get married and live together. Please give me some opinions, I need an outsiders view. Thank you.

I'm sorry but I have to agree, he's not ready for committment. It's easier just to say "We can't afford to get married." then "I'm scared" or "I'm not ready". You are going to have to decide if you want to wait this out or move on. I'd love to hear more about your relationship and your son as well.
Hugs
Tara
Hugs!
Mel
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It is hard to know the whole story from what you have written here. But I would say that he is not ready now. His actions make that very clear.
Your profile indicates that you live at home and you work and have a 3 year old. Looks like you are doing well as a single mom. You are still young. Take your time and make a good choice.
A few of us here have read the book, "He's Just Not That Into You" - and we have all commented on how much we like it. In your situation, I think this is the case. If he was "that into you" then he would want to make you happy and commit. Don't settle for less than that. It is not about you - there is nothing wrong with you - it is about him.
Keep in touch with us.
I'm not saying that you have to break-up with your boyfriend. Just back off a little. Cultivate some other interests. Don't play games...like hard to get. Live and plan your life without him in the picture. If he's not ready, then you will already have the plan in place to live without him. If he decides to stay with you, then that's a bonus.