He said he'd call UPDATE

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
He said he'd call UPDATE
7
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:30am
Well, I thought I would update all of you on my situation. Remember the guy I was dating and he said he would come over and help me with my sons bike? Well, anyways, I ended up calling him and he said he'd been real busy with work etc, and that he did want to go to lunch last week. We agreed to go, but I had to cancel because of a meeting and so I called him yesterday to reschedule. Turns out he wanted to go to the lunch to have a talk with me about us. He said he thought about it a lot and decided he didn't know what he wanted, and had cold feet. He wasn't ready for a comittment or to settle down since it has been 2 years since his divorce. This upsets me because I really like him and was at the point in the relationship where it would be intimate,however I am not willing to be intimate with someone if they want to date others. I didn't give him a hard time about it, and just tried to remain friendly. I am sure we will see each other again around, we live in a small community. He said well you never know what will happen, we will stay in touch. WHATEVER, I am pissed at him becuase all the other signs and things he said to me were so totally diferent. I thought that he did want to be involved with me. Oh, well, now I will jsut have to move on and I will stay away from dating for awhile! Have great day...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:53pm

That stinks for sure - but you do have 2 things to be grateful for - 1) that he told you this upfront and 2) that you were NOT intimate with him.

You pretty much landed on your feet, which is good. Sorry you had to have this disappointment. I guess you just have to take a break now, and I don't blame you for that.

When you find a great guy who is really smitten with you, you will forget about this one!!

Good luck and keep us posted.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:16pm
Thank you, I don't feel like I landed on my feet though and didn't think I would be so hurt. I guess I am not as emotionally ready as I thought. I have been feeling the crunch of emotions since I thought something was up the last few weeks, and thought it was because my wedding anniversary was coming up. I had that, the settlement on the divorce, this break up, struggling with parenting three kids and an ex who is now being nice, but living with another women. AHH, the stress. Well, I know I can get through it, just stressing! I hope to be posting with good news soon,but for now,I am out of the dating scene.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:37am
I can relate to your situation. I just started dating this guy who doesn't have any children and was intimate with him, and then he said the next night that he was not ready for anything serious- which I thought I was okay with at first cause I don't think I'm ready for that either, but now I've noticed he avoids being around my family, and daughter.(Even though my stepmom is the one who introduced us!) I guess I should've taken the hint when he was honest about not wanting a serious relationship and just quit talking to him so I don't get hurt. I may be pretty vulnerable now. But I really like him and I am very attracted to him. I know he is attracted to me, so I wonder why people set those kind of limits for themselves. If you are attracted to someone and you hit it off well, why not just let go and see what unfolds....maybe I'm wrong for being to open about that. That may be the problem. Some men are only interested in one thing....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:17pm

You are so lucky that you had not slept with him already. It would have been more emotional for you.

I really think you should start to feel better in a couple of weeks. You hadn't gotten in that deep with him. You were mostly crushing on him.

I don't think you need to take a whole big break from dating. Just DO NOT date that guy again. You might want to read the book "Don't Call That Man" If a man says he's going to call and he doesn't, then don't call that man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 5:08pm

I know you don't feel like you landed on your feet right now. But I think you will get over this sooner than you think. You were smart to avoid sex too soon and you know why he didn't call. And you know where you stand. Plus you sound sensible to me in how you are dealing with all of this.

Taking a break from dating and working on you is a good idea now. And of course you should read and post with us!!

Do you have some goals or projects you are working on? Are you staying busy?

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 11:08pm
I am staying busy with work and my kids are active in preschool and sports too. I have started a few hobbies of my own, scrapbooking, (over 6 years of photos in their original packages ) and hiking. I am trying to feel whole again with the divorce, but I can't help to get lonely for a companion too.I suppose when it is right it will happen. Thanks so much for the posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 8:33am

I can understand how you are loney for a companion. And I know how you feel after a divorce. I think the pain and disappointment of a failed marriage are harder than most people think. It kind of leaves a big hole in your heart. Time and activities will make that go away - it is one of those things you have to fill yourself. THEN you will be in a good state to meet the right person.

Scrapbooking and hiking sound like fun. I have a big scrapbook project sitting in my closet - waiting for me to finish.

I hope this hard time passes quickly for you. Stay and post with us!!

signature