He wants to move in now! Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
He wants to move in now! Yikes!
24
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 4:46pm

Hi ladies! If you remember me, I posted back in December about a great guy I started up a relationship with around Thanksgiving. I was in a dilemma about whether or not he would stay the night since I could not find a sitter for my daughter. I finally found a sitter and had a great weekend. He's been back a couple of times since then and has stayed

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 5:00pm
I think that for me this would be really scary. It sounds like he is aware he is flying a bit by the seat of his pants and this is why he is changing his mind back and forth - because he isnt sure how you are going to react. I think he should know what he wants in his heart without your reaction and tell you straight up instead of being all around the map. Also, I think it is very quick. You should be still in the honeymoon stage. I loved that stage but we waited a year and a half before my bf moved in with us and he had been living here part time for 4 months before he REALLY moved in so we were sure we could all be a family together and be happy as individuals too. The other thing is that it would really bother me I think if anything like this was brought up to me by text - it just seems like way too formal a thing to be put across that way. Maybe that is just me though...
Best of luck to you!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 6:45pm
For me I would say these simple words, "That doesn't work for me" - but that is because I want someone who lives here and is stable here. I don't want to move with a kid and I don't want someone to live with me because he has no where else to live and cannot afford his own place. That is way too crazy for me. I can only speak for myself so take what you will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 7:18pm

slightly uncomfortable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 11:22pm

Whoa!!!! I think its time to SLOW DOWN here, both of you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 9:55am
You don't even know this man. Have you done a criminal or sexual offender check on him? There are so many red flags flying on him that I really hope you take a good hard look at the situation.
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 10:14am

DON'T DO IT - I did this twice after only a few months, and paid a huge emotional and financial price for my bad judgement and jumping in too quick.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 11:15am

***UPDATE FROM LAST NIGHT****


Thank you all for your responses! I called him last night and he said that he was excited about coming to move in with me. To think of it, he actually left quite a few of his things over my house after his last visit, which makes me wonder - Was he planning this all along? I have done somewhat of a background check on him, but I can only do so much since I don't know all of the places his baseball career has taken him. I've met his family, and they seem to be really nice. But....


I told him that I felt like it was rush rush, and his reply was, "Well, I need sort of an in-between place to stay where I can still coach this team in Miami, and travel back and forth, and you're in a good location. We've also been talking about marriage, and we've been talking about planning our lives together for the last few months, and what sense does it make to move to another state away from you? So what's the problem?" And I said, "Well, I have a daughter and I just feel like it's too soon."


And he says, "Well, we'll talk about that when I get there. In the meantime,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 11:35am

When I lived in , I met a guy on a ski lift on opening weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 11:42am

Yikes! This guy seems to be trying to totally manipulate you.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 1:16pm
There are so many red flags here and I am relieved you seem to be seeing them. He is grasping at straws now and I am concerned about his reaction when you say no. I would make sure you are extremely clear about saying no to moving in and if I were you, I would break it off completely and say you need some space to think. It isnt a good sign of things to come to have someone make these major decisions WITHOUT you and be so nonchalant about your concerns. He seems to think that he knows better than you and your feelings have been factored out when it comes to what he thinks is best for him. I cant see how this will end well but I do know you deserve a LOT more. I would be very firm in telling him that if he is to have any chance with you EVER he needs to give you space right now and if he fails to do that the relationship is OVER right that second. Then I think you need to prepare yourself because I bet he will trample on that and you will be single very soon. If he doesnt take your feelings seriously, how will he ever trust you when it comes to knowing what is best for your daughter. You and your daughter form a family all on your own, just the two of you and I would have never even mentioned this to her in your place. I dont know how old she is ( maybe I missed that part) but kids need to know that you arent capable of making fly by night life decisions that could effect them badly. Would you want her considering having a bf of three months move in with her and her child if she was a single mom someday? Wouldnt that fill your heart with worry?
Lilypie - Personal picture

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