He wants to still be friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
He wants to still be friends
3
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 2:45pm

hello all. i have posted here a few times over the past year and half that i have been on and off with my now XB. it has been a very worthwhile experience, but i know that it is time to move on. his schedule, with work and his children coupled with the distance we live apart from each other has just become too much for us to get through. he is a wonderful man and i know that this has been hard for him to see me come to this conclusion.

this honestly has been one of the toughest decisions of my life (thus the flip-flop behavior over the past 6 months). i love him dearly and he is so much that my XH was not. i just cannot continue to cling to something that may never happen. ultimately he is just not the right person for me or for my kids.

here is my issue....he is insistent that we can remain friends. i will admit that he has been my best friend over the course of our relationship and b/c of the distance, a good deal of our relationship was built on this friendship. i can't imagine not speaking to him, but it is so hard for me to give up the dream of us being together. i find myself behaving in the same "desperate" fashion as i was before and it really feels like nothing has changed.

my question is this...can ex's be just friends. will the passage of time make it easier or is the no contact route the way to go.

thanks for any input. you guys are the best!!

stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:20pm
My opinion right now, is to give it some space, and let time heal some of the wounds. I think exes can be friends, but not immediately. You need time, and so does he, before you can get to that friends part. When people say, let's be friends, I think they expect that that's going to happen overnight. Even your very best friendships didn't happen overnight, and they probably didn't start with a major heartache and breakup wedged between them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:17pm

Stephanie,


Sorry things didn't work out ((((HUGS))))


I do agree that you CAN be friends, but you'll need to let some time pass before stepping into those shoes.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 8:16am

Stephanie,

I agree with Alison and the others. It is nice that he wants to be friends but for right now you have to do what is best for you - get over him to the point that if you saw him with someone else you won't flinch. I think this takes time - and usually meeting someone who is right for you until you could be this way.

Plus if you are spending time with him you are not going to be getting out and meeting new people and that is what you need most now.

These decisions are never easy - you sound like a strong person.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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