Is he worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Is he worth it?
4
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 9:44pm
Hi! I'm 36 years old and the mother of a 3 year old little girl. After meeting several real losers, I've met a man who seems to have some potential. At least, he has the things that would make him appear to have potential - he has good credit, owns a home, has a great relationship with his children and he travels every other week for work, which means that he wouldn't be smothering me all the time.

There are a couple of issues that I'm having a hard time getting past. The first is that he hardly says two words! When he calls me, when we chat online or when we are together, I either have to keep the conversation going or know that we're just going to sit in akward silence. It's exhasuting!

The other thing is that we have only been on one real date. A couple weeks later, he came over to watch a movie with me. After the movie, we kissed a little and then I sent him home. He came over again and things went pretty much the same way. He's asked since then if I felt like company and I've told him no. Am I wrong to feel that he should take me out? I just feel like there is potential with him, once I get to know him, but I can't figure this out. I don't know if I'm like a science project for him and he wants to see what happens or if he thinks I might not be able to get a sitter or if he just wants a make out buddy.

Any ideas or suggestions? I would certainly appreciate hearing what you think.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: juls68
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 6:49am
I think you have to spell out exactly how you feel. But in a way that does not insult him.

"I would love to go out but don't really feel comfortable sitting home."

Also, something to the effect of, "what are you looking for?"

But any way, you have to see what he says and does with your "wants." I would not want to just sit home and watch a movie in the beginning, either. That would also make me feel like a make out buddy. You did very good to send him home!!

Good luck and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: juls68
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 8:14am
You know, it's so funny that you say that west. It's exactly what I've been thinking, but I hate those types of conversations, so I guess I hoped I could avoid it! :) In any case, having another person say that to me just screams out to me that it's what I need to do. I don't want to miss a great opportunity if he's the good guy I think he is, but I don't want to be taken advantage of either. Thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: juls68
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 11:32am
From what you've said, he sounds like a good guy (good dad, good credit) who isn't trying very hard at all to have a relationship with you. I don't know how good he will be to you in the long run if you're having to do so much work so early into things. If you have to keep the conversations going and you already need to have the relationship talk with him, then he's not that interested and not a good match for you.

I read that book "he's just not that into you" and I do recommend it to other people. A guy will ask you out and try to talk to you if he likes you. I've witnessed this with my brother (old bachelor, 36 yrs old). If he likes a girl, he really tries to court her. If he doesn't, he'll do the bare minimum to get dates and get a little nooky. He has told me that he will plan lesser dates with a woman if he's not that interested. This is harsh to hear, but if he doesn't really like the girl...he'll take her to some chain restaurant or let her cook dinner for him. If he really, really likes her, then it's a good restaurant and the whole nine yards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: juls68
Sat, 11-13-2004 - 12:37pm
You should listen to this post - I actually like it even more than mine. I have read that book, too, and agree with it.