Heartbreaking comment from dd tonite ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Heartbreaking comment from dd tonite ...
45
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 6:24pm

& i was stunned.


She fell off the playground equip today & really got hurt. She's ok now, but as most little girls will do, she cried for her daddy, after i comforted her. I let her call him & she called him crying. He seemed to be able to calm her down a bit. BUT ... then he asked to speak with me - i refused.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 12:34am

Sounds like you are doing everything I've done and dealing with the same issues. One statement/mantra has consistently gotten through dealing with the ex's incredibly childish and manipulative outbursts.


"I choose not to play"


Realizing that I didn't have actually HAVE to deal with any of his nonsense helped a lot. Having my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 1:04am

lol! Youre right. In FACT, i said that to my therapist after meeting with the court ordered psyc ... that I am NOT PLAYING ANYMORE. Meaning, no response to his emials, texts, etc. & USUALLY i can do that. Ive had a few "slips" when i felt i really NEEDED to say something - or mostly to clear up a lie he states (like accusing me of not giving dd phone messages that he called ... when in reality I DO, but she CHOOSES not to call him back) - & he is much less crazed w/o having interaction with me. Or .... maybe he IS as crazed, but i dont know it b/c Im not interacting with him. Whatever it is, it works for me!


Can i ask a bit more about your siutation? Kids ages when you divorced, how long its been, Has he has any interaction with them? Was he a decent father while you were married?


I still cannot, no matter how bad it gets, wrap my mind around a parent who woudlnt be the BEST possible parent they can be.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 6:02pm
Thanks for writing this Annie. As you might have read, I was kind of appalled at Raquel's post and said so. You make me feel less crazy for my reaction which was to be kind of incredulous and thinking "where did this person come from?" It just seemed to come out of nowhere. I would never want someone to feel unwelcome here but it just really did feel meanspirited. And now to learn that she takes time out of her schedule to track rlch's messages all over ivillage and chase her all over town with the judgement train - it just goes to show you some people have way too much time on their hands. I am up for any posts that are heartfelt and thoughtful but I found hers to be offensive and I was relieved to read rlch's post this morning because as odd as this situation is from what she described, it makes a bit more sense now - in a dysfunctional way...
It just goes to show that when you are rlch and everyone loves having you around their board for all the right reasons, you might find yourself interesting the wrong sort.
I remember when I got my first bad review ( scathing actually) as a concert violinist my father called me and I was crying and he said " Congrats. It isnt until they love you AND hate you that they start loving to hate you. Your career has begun!"
The fact that you have described her as a hero and a champion is exactly why the haters have popped up. It goes with the territory.
in any case, I hope she knows how much we have appreciated all of her strengths and good humor around her - I know this whole board has been behind her ever since I started reading anyhow....
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 8:31pm

Citylife - you say all of this so much better than I could. We do welcome opinions that are helpful and constructive and we do welcome people to follow and participate in all of the threads - not just visit our board for mean feedback that picks on one person whom they have had problems with on another board.

I have asked for this thread to be removed - so I hope everyone will stop posting on it - hopefully they will do that tomorrow.

This board is a support board for single moms (and our dear resident dads of course). We do have a long history of support and warmth and positive help. And when we disagree, we all do it respectfully and agree to disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 8:51pm
Wow - as you can see somebody really wants to get the last word so I will let her....how sad!
Just wanted to say thanks for your post and I will be happy to see the thread go tomorrow. You have a great group of people on here and I apologize if I helped in the slightest bit to pull this thread off topic. I've made my point but am obviously getting nowhere!
See you ( read you) on the other threads ....
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 9:18pm

Hi everyone,


Please remember that anytime you post your personal situation on a public messageboard you're going to get all types of responses and advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:30pm

Ok, will repost this the "right way" since i dont want it to go without being said -


As a lurker on iV for a long time, & an

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 10:32pm
Sorry. I mean this to go to ALL - not sure if it came out in the correct spot or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 11:26pm
Hi Annie - feel free to E me thru my profile. & thank you (((hugs)))

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 01-30-2008 - 5:46am

Thank you Annie. We would love to have you on our board, too. Positive people make the world go around.

One thing I love about rlch is that she always posts on all of our threads. She has helped me tremendously with a guy I was dating that I was not sure about his drinking - she is very against that - of course after all she has been through. And since I have dated a few drinkers I can vouch that unless you are educated on the subject you might let it fly under the radar for too long. Fortunately for me I dumped him right away after just dating for a few weeks.

She always responds to each person who answers her thread and we all have started copying her on that. This board has a lot of fun regulars and some new people, too. We try not to judge each other or tell each other what to do. We try to word things like "if I was you I would" or we ask - "did you think of this" - I know I have learned a lot about not being judgemental and about asking questions to clarify to help empathize with the other person better instead of judging - this board has taught me a lot about good communication.