hello.. LONG POST.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
hello.. LONG POST.....
3
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:04pm

Hello my name is Julie. I am a single mom to DD Kaitlin (3/22/00) and Ds Nathan (2/10/05)
Neither one of my kids fathers are around. DD's Father lives in Texas and has some contact with him (he calls and talks to her and seds her christmas and birthday stuff)(actually his mom does)

I moved from Texas just after I found out I was preggo, the stress with my parents was just too much, so I moved to California to live with my grandparents. I went back to TX to visit when DD was about 18 months old contacted him and tried to make arrangements to visit him. by then he was married to a woman who was not the nicest person in the world.
I wanted to come to the house and visit so his mother who he lives with could see her too. The "wife" did not like the idea. I had called to make arrangements and she was very mean to me and would nto let me speak to him or his mother. so he did nto get to see her.
1 year went by and I got an email from him saying that he had divorced and wanted to see his daughter and that he did not get any pictures or letters that I had sent him. evidentally "SHE" had found them in the mail and tossed them. He had only one picture that his mother had managed to see in the mail.

So when she was three he came out and saw her and it was a total disaster. He ended up leaving early because my family asked him to. There was too many "stories" that he told.
HE cannot seem to follow thru with things. He does nto hold a job for more than 6-8 months at a time. He swares he is going to come see his daughter again , he promised her for her birthday and then again for christmas. Didn't happen.

He notified me yesterday that he has decided that he is going to be a truckdriver, mostly becuase he can get runs to the west coast to see his daughter. Is this going to work??? I am about 80% sure it won't. besided he is randomly in and out of her life and I am left with the explaination of why. I already get the quote"Mommy I miss daddy" and she has only seen daddy once in her life when she was three.
I have told him that he needs to send money it he wants to see her. and then he sends $50 or $100 only when I say somethign he can't take it upon him self to do it monthly.. Sigh what next.....

DS Nathan his father I gave up on a long time ago. His father and I met at work. (He was the boss) Nathan came after he left for another job. his father lives about 2 blocks awayfrom my house. He has seen his sone a few times (by force) Meaning I show up at his house and say Hello with the baby. He says he wants to be in his sons life but yet I don't see him calling me and saying can you bring him over or here is some money for diapers. I am quite sure that his parents don't even know that they have a grand Child....

I am not sure what to do or say to either one of these people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 1:37pm

Welcome Julie.

What a scenario - it is so sad to watch kids have their hearts broken by men who cannot acknowledge them.

I think the only thing you can do is to try to go after these guys legally - you are entitled to child support and you can get their wages garnished. Do it for your kids - because that is money that can help enrich their lives and be saved for their futures and educations.

As long as you are happy and make the children feel loved that is what matters. Do what you have to do to keep yourself going okay and to make the kids feel they are top of the world.

God always gives us another day, week and year to make a difference - and this one can be yours.

You might also stick around here - you can learn a lot about dating and feel you are getting in on the action just from the stories here. We can use your help and advice, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:18pm

I encourage you to get child support orders if you haven't done so already. Some men will never act like fathers. You should, at least, get the financial support that your children deserve.

If I were you, I would not try to get either one of these men to visit. If they come around, you decide how you want to handle that. I would not seek out these men in any way shape or form. If they fail to form a relationship with their children, that will be their own fault.

As for your DD and her statements about missing her dad, re-direct her attention. Kids can be re-directed and they take their cue from you on how they should react to an emotional situations. With my DS, I acknowledge his disappointment about our split home and tell him that's just how it is, but we have a good family anyway...better than most. That satisfies him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 8:43pm

Hi there, and welcome. I think you should do or say anything to those two men, rather think about what you will say to your children.
I'm in a slightly similar situation- my children don't see my exhusband and haven't for years. there's no contact, no nothing.
Instead of showing up on the door, or tracking them down, realize that these men are choosing to not be a part of their children's lives. This means that you get all of the work, all of the financial burden, and all of the stress of being a parent, but it also means you get all of the love, all of thehugs, and all of the happiness of being a parent.
You can't force someone to be a good parent. Some people simply aren't.
You can, however, fight for child support, which is something you should do. Just because they have no desire to see their children doesn't mean these men shouldn't pony up to their financial obligations.

Moody, not a tracker-downer


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