Hello - New to the Boards

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
Hello - New to the Boards
5
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 10:42am

Hello, have been reading through your boards for several months and decided to finally join. Just thought I would introduce myself and say hello. Thanks to all the ladies that have shared. Have seen some very good advice on here and some which with I disagree, but it is a good place for sharing ideas.

I have four children; three of whom are grown and my sweet ten year old girl. Going through the divorce process now after 3 1/2 years of separation (3000 miles apart) and finally realizing that he isn't breaking up with his girlfriend. Two of the adult children live within an hour from home and are encouraging me to get back in the dating game, even the 10 year old says she thinks I should date.

Some of the postings on here have been by some very young women that are in their 20s and 30s with children and ready to throw in the towel. Wow! What does that say about my chances as a 48 year old plus size woman with a small child still at home?

You alone have the power to influence your attitude and change what you see as your picture. If you are unhappy about something change it! Be happy with yourself before you seek to find happiness outside yourself. Yes, it takes work and self-reflection. Don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back for the small things you do right everyday instead of the something wrong. Also remember that each new day has a whole new board on which to write, make it positive. Well, this was long and windy for a hello...look forward to chatting with some of you in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 11:47am

HI there and welcome!

You're absolutely right about attitude- I'm 25, and although I'm not in any way "ready to throw in the towel", at this point, dating is not a priority for me. That being said, I wouldn't turn one down, should the opportunity arrise. But, my children are young (7 and 5), I'm in school, work full time, they're in school, and have activities and friends and keep me running, and between the kids, work, school, and my friends and hobbies, I simply don't have the time or inclination to try harder to meet new men.

I'm not bitter or angry or depressed about not dating- in fact, I'm happier now than I ever have been in my life- busier, for sure, but happier. I'm doing exactly what I want to do, not what I feel I should do, or what anyone else wants me to do, and that's extremely empowering. I tried on-line dating, and met a few men, but nothing to write home about (although nothing unpleasant, either), and gave that up. Tried casual dating, but decided it wasn't for me. I'm interested in being in a relationship, but realistic enough to know that one isn't (probably) going to fall in my lap, and I'm too busy enjoying life to actively pursue one at this point. So, maybe when I slow down a little, when I graduate from college, when my children are a little older, when ... you get the idea, I'll care more about not being alone.

For now though, I know I am happier than I've ever been, and since I'm doing what I want, it's less about being alone, really, than it is about finally knowing what it is that makes me happy. I could be equally happy in a relationship with the right person, but until I find the right person there's no need for me to date the wrong ones.

As for so many other young women (and older ones, too, for that matter), I wish they all felt like I do, but I also know I had to go through many life experiences, had to really do a lot of soul-searching, and had to find myself, as corny as that sounds, before I was emotionally at this stage in my life. To me, personal success is being happy with your present. I have found that.

Moody- who can type for days today!


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 12:14pm
hi :D Welcome to the board :D I am new here also..and I am by NO MEANS throwing in the towel...lol I met someone on a dating site and he is an amazing man....I met him in person and he is even better than he was online :D Real potential with him ;) We both have children in our care so it kinda makes seeing eachother privately tough...but its nice since we both know how much time and energy young kids take so dont have high expectations
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 12:22pm

Welcome, jojoke!

I'm in the same boat as Moody... although mine is a much older boat than hers! LOL~ ;-)

I'm in my early 40's and I've also discovered my little niche in life where I am happy and satisfied with how things are going. My kids are fed and happy and taken-care of, I'm fed (too well-fed some days- lol), happy and my life is going well too. I'm busy, I'm working, I'm constantly learning. It's all good. :-)

I also find it a bit surprising to hear of the "young-un's" saying they are "washed up" in their 20's or 30's just because they have children!!! NO ONE at any age is "washed up" if they don't allow themselves to be. The kids don't even have anything to do with it. You can be childless and still be "washed up" only if you call yourself that, and live that way. Just don't think of yourself that way!!! (I'm not saying 'you' as in *you*, jojoke- but the general 'you')

I am dating a man I met online over a year ago, but he's not the center of my life. He is a wonderful addition to all the blessings I already have, and I'm developing that relationship just as I am growing everything else I want in my life. Yes, he is great, but there's no rush to force anything. I'm just enjoying the ride!

It IS totally empowering to discover yourself and find security within yourself. Nothing beats that. Nothing is better than finding yourself complete and not depending on someone else to make you feel complete. :-)

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 09-24-2006 - 10:03pm

Hi Moody - good to see you back.

"For now though, I know I am happier than I've ever been, and since I'm doing what I want, it's less about being alone, really, than it is about finally knowing what it is that makes me happy. I could be equally happy in a relationship with the right person, but until I find the right person there's no need for me to date the wrong ones."

I think this is very true! I couldn't agree with you more. I am in the same boat.

Welcome to jojoke!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2006
Mon, 09-25-2006 - 12:16am
Hi! I am also new here. Looks to be a great place to get some advice... welcome to you.
Romance Consultant
Liberating Women from the bedroom to the bank
http://www.bedroombuzz.com
Romance Consultant
Liberating Women from the bedroom to the bank