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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help
21
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:01pm
I am a single mom of a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:26pm

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

I think for now you have to live 2 separate lives. Work on getting your daughter happy and adjusted in her life with plenty of activities and friends. I think she will become more social as she gets a bit older and will look to you less for this.

If you are going to date, keep it hidden and separate from her. It is not her business. And hopefully it won't affect or interrupt your quality time with her.

I think that she will quiet down when she sees you are doing a lot for her and that dating is not taking you away - it is adding to your life. I just don't think you should discuss your adult issues with her or burden her further with them. Hopefully, too, when her dad comes into her life more that will help - you should do all you can to encourage their relationship.

Good luck and WELCOME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:33pm
It is soo hard, I leave her at her aunts house 9pm to get some alone time, she freaks out. I leave at 10 after she should be in bed she freaks. She wants me there 24-7. Is it wrong to leave her with family or her brother.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:00pm

Hi, and welcome.


It sounds like your little girl could benefit from some counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:00pm
First of all, welcome to the board! Dealing with a pre-teen girl can be challenging to say the least! Have you thought about counseling? It sounds like she might have some abandonment issues from her Dad dropping out of her life.
My son's Dad dropped totally out of his life for over 2 years. He had some major anger issues. We went to counseling and it did help tremendously. Is she doing OK in school?
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:07pm
She is doing ok in school, I would like her to do better but ok considering. I tis very sad because she is a big girl and gets teased alot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:14pm


I think this is the most telling thing you have written so far.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:21pm
She has been in counseloign through her school but I do not think it is consistant enough for the issue at hand. I have called to make an appt for both of us, I feel I need it as well to help understand how to deal with this and my role in this type of situation,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:26pm

I have gone through counseling and so have both of my kids. Individually and together. This was through a psychologist. School counselors are great, but can't devote the time and attention that an individual therapist will.

Trust me, you are not alone in this struggle. My best friend is having problems with her 7 year old. His Dad used to have 50/50 custody and had to change jobs. So, he now only sees his Dad every other weekend. So, they are going to see if counseling will help. She has 4 boys and he is the youngest. So, she is an experienced Mom and still struggling with this.
Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 1:33pm

Please don't buy into the guilt!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 2:25pm

Welcome to the board.


First of all, do not overcompensate because you feel guilt- she will work you to the bone if you do.


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