Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Help
21
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:01pm
I am a single mom of a
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 2:37pm

Welcome-


I feel your parenting pain- being a mom to a 10 year old girl myself. One thing that jumps out -- please remember that your daughter is not inherently mean and rude-- her recent behaviour might be though. It's important to distinguish behavior from pinning a child as "mean" or "rude" She was not born bad- she is just reacting to an environment where she feels scared and helpless to lose you. It's unrealistic- but it is her perceived reality. I truly understand this.. My dd has also

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 3:32pm

I think the others have a great idea for counseling.

Could be that she needs babysteps. Stay with relatives while you go to the store for an hour and then pick her up. More chores and activities to get her feeling a sense of accomplishment and good about herself.

I think for now she has to take the focus until you can get her stabilized and into a good routine and a little more independent.

I think that when there is a big change kids often take a step backwards and it sounds like the divorce and lack of visitation by her dad has not helped you - it has made her more insecure. If she is a little big and not feeling good about herself that makes it worse.

Just try to have patience and focus on her. Your dating life will have to become invisible. Where there is a will, there is a way - and slow is often better rather than jumping into too much too fast too soon. I think you will have more time as her dad takes her more.

Hang in there!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:03pm
So I discussed this with her father and of course there is a case with child support services because he did not pay me for 7 months. He basically said, if I do not close the case then he will not encourage my daughter's behavior with my dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:13pm

EEEEK!

I would never tell my exh about my dating. And I would keep visitation and child support as 2 issues. Allow him to visit. But go after him legally for the money. But that is just me. I think it is good to keep the private life private - it is yours and no one elses. And you can't really expect an exh to have understanding about you seeing another man. I fear he will sabotage your efforts.

I would encourage their relationship - allow him to see her. But do everything you can in the legal arena to get him on track for paying - garnish wages, whatever it takes. Be firm!!

I hope you can get everything sorted out - I think the key will be having peace with your exh because then your daughter will benefit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:22pm

I agree with Judy- YOUR dating life is not up for discussion with your ex.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:27pm
Well he is remarried and my daughter had a huge problem with her step mom, so I encouraged that relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:40pm

It's not up to your ex to help you make your life easier.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 5:53pm
YOu would be amazed at the quality time my daughter and I have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 6:02pm

Ok- then you're focusing TOO much on her at this point and she's expecting too much of your attention and time.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: icarabear
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 6:12pm
well at first I was pissed, I will be honest.