HELP! first date-nervous

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
HELP! first date-nervous
28
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 9:50am
i have a first date tonight with a VERY nice new guy. i met him thru some mutual frineds and have seen him 2 times now. tonight will be our first time out alone and i'm so nervous i don't know how i will eat dinner.
can some one give me some pointers about what to talk about or not talk about. and if it's ok to wear jeans, a sweater and boots to dinner? i feel like i'm 15 again. i think i'm too nervous to be excited. and i can't stop smiling.
i'm such a dork
heehee
thanks
sara

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:24am
What kind of restaurant are you going to? It might be fine to wear jeans, but you can't go wrong with a nice pair of pants. Don't order salad, spagetti or a burger, or anything that requires you to open your mouth really wide or might leave things dangling from your mouth. Smaller pasta noodles are good and chicken dinners are good too. I have no advice on what to talk about, but maybe think about things that have happened in the last couple weeks that might make interesting stories (maybe things about work) and also think ahead of some things you want to know about him so you can be ready to ask (maybe things about his family or his childhood). Past that, just be yourself and most importantly, post to us right after so we aren't in suspense any longer than we have to be! LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:38am

For conversation, keep things light and fun. Don't mention ex's, children, or disclose anything major. Men like finding out about you over time. If you disclose too much up front, it freaks them out.

Ask him about the things he likes to do. Don't ask any questions that sound like you're grilling him. I've heard (from men) that that's their number one complaint on first dates. If they feel like they are being grilled, then they feel inadequate and move on.

Have fun. Smile. Make eye contact. Sounds like you're in for a good time. Post update if you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:48pm

Your first priority for this date is to get a second date!!

Wear something a little sexy - I am not sure your weather or the restaurant, but if you go with jeans and a sweater - make them tight!! Make sure you smell great and have light makeup and light jewelry. Think Victoria's Secret model!!

Don't talk too much - ask him questions. Let him ask you stuff. Don't go into any deep topics like past boyfriends or husbands.

Spend time on cnn.com to become up to date on current news.

BUT most important, be YOURSELF!!

Have fun and give us a report!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS - and CONGRATS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:02pm

I have to say . . . I laughed when I read this.

If you want to wear jeans, (which obviously, she does, or she wouldn't have asked if it were ok), make sure they are tight.

Wear light makeup.

Wear light jewelry.

Make sure you smell great.

Don't talk too much.

Be up to date on current events.

Be yourself.

Which is it?

Be yourself or the other ones?

What if yourself is casual jeans and loose sweaters and no makeup and no perfume and you are a chatterbox who could care less about current events? If that's not you - don't put up a false front. If it is you, great.

And why is the most important thing to get a second date? I think the most important thing is to have fun and see if you feel like you may be compatible or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:42pm
My post was meant to be whimsical and funny - here is a checklist of what I would do - but at the same time you have to be yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:45pm

Judy,

I love this advice. You're so right. Your objective with a first date is to get a second date. You'll never know if you're compatible with someone if you don't make it past round #1.

Also, I agree with your fashion/make-up choices. The most important part about dating is feeling good about yourself. If you look good, you feel good. I'm finding that out with my current boyfriend. I'm dressing better and making even nights at home into something special. My guy came over to my house for lasagna on Saturday night. I could have greeted him in sweat pants and sweat shirt, no make-up. He wouldn't have cared. But, I dressed up a bit. Wore a nice sexy top, cool jeans, cool boots, cool earrings. Great hair and make-up. I had just had my hair done that day. He was blown away....but, not only that, I felt great. I felt pretty, young, smart, and sexy.....not single mom frumpy (like I have felt so many times in the past.)

Tricia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:54pm

Wow, Tricia, it sounds like you are on fire with this one!! I love how you are so positive and how he makes you feel. This is exactly how it should be!! And your stories just keep getting better!!

Yes - I think you do have to dress up a bit. I had a lot of help with that from friends when I started dating. And they help me now a lot. They are young and single and have me looking great. I feel so much better when I know I am looking my best.

As single moms we all tend to put ourselves on the back burner for the sake of the kids. It is good to remember that we are sexy, fun women too!!

I find that a first date should be a bit like a job interview. You put your best foot forward and you look for your date to do the same. Keep it light, keep it short, keep it fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 2:36pm

Well, you're probably getting a good idea of the fact that you may get lots of different kinds of advice on this board. LOL


Judy, I'm glad you clarified the "be yourself" thing...that might be the only thing in this that would work for me.


*Your first priority for this date is to get a second date!!


I would differ on this. You know, I'm a cynic when it comes to dating. MY first priority on a date is to decide IF I want a second date. And most often the answer to that question has been....emphatically no. LOL I guess that's why I don't "date" much any more. I think I'd have to know someone already. I know you have some of the same feelings.


*Wear something a little sexy - I am not sure your weather or the restaurant, but if you go with jeans and a sweater - make them tight!! Make sure you smell great and have light makeup and light jewelry. Think Victoria's Secret model!!


I never wear tight clothes. I think they look crappy. Maybe fitted...not tight. LOL


*Don't talk too much - ask him questions. Let him ask you stuff. Don't go into any deep topics like past boyfriends or husbands.


If I can't talk, I can't be with someone. He'd better like it or leave.


*Spend time on cnn.com to become up to date on current news.


I do this EVERY day, but not for a date, particularly.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:57pm

I'm just chuckling on this one. Nah, actually I'm LMAO! This is a good topic! Love it! Not sure which one is funnier. First date impressions or red flags.

Ok, this is me on a first date, but then again it's ME, lol, who is still single!

Example: Saturday Night Date

must need:
Bath soaked in some sort of sented bath
Deep condition hair
Shave EVERYWHERE LOL- I find this funny,because I never like to be touched on a first date, but I always say, never say never. LOL BE PREPARED

Heat my curlers.

Go to my room and spread out 20 different items and figure out what is the hottest for the occasion (we have to take in the weather, the date place, how much we like the guy)-

I usually do, black dress slacks and a great looking sexy top, usually a black dressy sexy top, second in line sexy black short slinky dress. LOL I have a few to choose from...

Then cream myself, perfume myself do my hair and then start on my war paint. That takes the longest, because it looks great, but it isn't caked. I use some bits of gold dust particles and do my lips with a nude coloring, as natural and glowing, but no glitter girl. Yeah know? The darkest are my eyes, because I have sexy eyes that startle the men for some reason. I don't really see it, but that is by far and then my butt are my biggest asset. I usually wear my hair up or half way up, because I have a nice neck and if I go dancing or it's later, I like to take it down and shake it a bit, which usually floors them. LOL!

During dinner: I talk to them about their job, about where they are from, if they know of some great places to go for this or that. Make them sound manly, ask them about some car trouble I had (which I really have no clue about) or something else that i could use for the next time I go to the mechanic.
Other topics: Politics, when I know we are on the same level, otherwise LEAVE alone.

I am a mother, so I do mention my kids, but only lightly. For instance, I will ask him about his, if he has them and then I will say: "My oldest daughter, her name is Alex, she's 11, in the 5th grade and terrific kid. Great sense of humor and highly intelligent. Nina, is 4, in K-G now and hell on wheels and I'M not kidding." then I talk about something else. Enough, move on.

I try to put the topics towards what likes and dislikes, travel, etc. they have, BUT and this is a HUGE BUT, I AM always AWARE, how much they tell, what they tell and when they STOP yapping and ask something about ME, that shows they are interested in meeee.

Which reminds me of the married guy, he only talked about himself, then he presumed something about me that was totally wrong and I said, "Um, that isn't true, you would know it isn't true, if you had ever asked something about me," His answer" Well, I figure I don't have to ask, you'll just start talking by yourself." EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! STING!!!!!!!!!!

That killed it!

Of couse I want a second date with a guy, but only if I think he behaved well the first time. If I like a guy, I would give him a second try if he failed the first time, because he might be really nervous, but not if he is a butthead with the waitstaff or other people.

I am damn sexy, damn womanly and damn intelligent, so by the end of the night, they usually lap out of my hand. Good boys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:05pm

YOU ARE HILARIOUS!! Very good!! Very smooth!!

I am laughing so so so hard reading this!!

It is good you can have fun and have them lapping out of your hand!!

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