HELP! first date-nervous

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
HELP! first date-nervous
28
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 9:50am
i have a first date tonight with a VERY nice new guy. i met him thru some mutual frineds and have seen him 2 times now. tonight will be our first time out alone and i'm so nervous i don't know how i will eat dinner.
can some one give me some pointers about what to talk about or not talk about. and if it's ok to wear jeans, a sweater and boots to dinner? i feel like i'm 15 again. i think i'm too nervous to be excited. and i can't stop smiling.
i'm such a dork
heehee
thanks
sara

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 12:04pm

Haven't read the whole thread here, but I MUST chime in.


I would NEVER think the point of a first date is to get a second date. This idea SMACKS of 1940 something women just trying to quickly catch a decent enough man so she can have babies and play house. It comes across SO lacking in self respect.


Why isn't the point of a first date simply to see if you enjoy the company of this person? Why isn't it to be 100% yourself (though I agree, you don't blabber on and on about every detail of your personal past at this point) and let this person KNOW you so there aren't major surprises later (ie. 5 dates in and you FINALLY reveal you are a single mom to a wonderful son)


I don't get that at all.


*Scratching head*

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 12:16pm

You did miss all of our fun - Have you seen Princess Catherine's post from yesterday. SHE IS SO SO HILARIOUS!! I absolutely LOVED her post on her first date dressing/shaving routine. It made my day - I am still laughing - she is so funny!!

Okay - I don't look at it the same way you do - I am very goal driven and have a big funny sense of humor and adventure. So I would want to look dynamite and have fun - that is me. And I would not want to talk too much (blabber on and on you say) and I would not spend too much time - because I would want him to want more and I would want to "score" the 2nd date.

Plus a first date (and I am thinking more of the lines of blind dates from the online dating thing) is stressful for both - so less time is better - keep it simple.

Maybe I spent too much time on match.com? But it was all fun for me and I have an incredible dating journal to show for it - you guys have sort of seen the stories along the way - they are fun/crazy/hilarious. And I do remember reading that as a tip one time in the "first date scoop" article or something like that.

I would not always say yes to the 2nd date. And in some cases you both discover there is no point in a 2nd date.

My secretary has a good saying - she says men are like children - if you put them in a room with all of your toys at once they will get bored and not appreciate them. But if you dole them out slow then they stay amused for a long time. Friendships are that way, too. The best ones grow slow - enjoy one moment at a time.

Okay - and with all of this said - we are going out to ladies night tonight - a few of my single friends. One of their boyfriends is babysitting for me! And yesterday we had so much fun deciding our outfits. I am wearing the shortest miniskirt and boots - this is to a country western place. So I will think of all of you and Catherine later when I am getting dressed!! YAHOO!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 12:33pm

I think the point of getting to a second date is so you can learn *more* about the other person, and I think you let your guard down a little more on the second date.

If it's obvious the guy is not your type and you are not interested, then no, you would not want a second date. But you also can't get to know someone and make a good decision about them in one date. So I think the point of saying you want to get to the second date assumes it's someone you *want* to go on a second date with, and it's just that you want to keep your nerves under control and not make any huge gaffes (like spitting a lot when you talk) so that a second date is more likely to happen.

She didn't say the goal of the first date is to hook this guy and get him to run to the alter. A second date isn't such a bad thing.

And being 100% yourself is a good idea too... can't you do both? Be yourself *and* try to get to the second date?

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 12:59pm

And being 100% yourself is a good idea too... can't you do both? Be yourself *and* try to get to the second date?


I don't know! Maybe this is why I was not much of a "dater" as I did let too much of myself out there and scared men off!!! But, the one who was worth keeping (well, on a good day he's worth it anyway. LOL) kept coming back for more crazy. LOL!!!!


At any rate ladies, this was a VERY interesting discussion. Maybe I'll catch up with you all later. My son is already being sent home from school. He was home sick yesterday and I thought we'd make it, but he's gone downhill so I guess I am missing more work! ugh.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:22pm

"huge gaffes (like spitting a lot when you talk) so that a second date is more likely to happen"

Very good!!

I loved your food tips yesterday, by the way!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:32pm
Sorry to hear your son is sick!! I hope he feels better and you can get back to work soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 1:37pm

I think I was told about the risks of eating burgers, salads or spaghetti in connection with being an intern or off-campus recruiting events (we would often be taken out to eat by the people likely to hire us) or something to do with my previous life as an auditor, like what not to do when eating lunch with a client. It seemed to apply to a first date too!

I was trying to think of a good gaffe when I posted that other message... at first I thought of spilling on yourself, tripping and falling, forgetting to zip up your pants... but if the conversation and chemistry is good, none of those things should prevent you from getting to a second date, right? Spitting a lot might do it though. Then again, if you *always* spit when you talk (or sweat profusely, or something like that), then you would *want* to do it on the first date in the spirit of "being yourself." LOL.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 2:15pm
Sooo true! LOL. You are so funny. I thought the tips were fantastic!

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