Help! How to answer nosy questions aboue my past to my new boyfriend's family?? :-/

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2010
Help! How to answer nosy questions aboue my past to my new boyfriend's family?? :-/
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:07pm

Dear Board Members,

I am an under 30 divorcee with a 5 year old, and I will be meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time during the Holidays. Apparently they are VERY nosy people by default, and my boyfriend has warned me that they might ask me some uncomfortable questions about my past.I am worried about being judged and made to feel embrassed, and need your advice about how to respond in a polite way but also protecting my boundaries.

Have any of you been in a situation like this before?? How do you usually handle it?

My past in a nutshell:

I came to the US for school about 6 years ago. I was very young (21) met a researcher (a lot older than me, never married) in my field. It was a whirlwind romance and acting on impulse, being young and naive, I got married to him after knowing him only a relatively short time. A year and a half later we had a child together, and shortly after she was born, things went sour. We ended up continuing to live in the same house for a couple of years as roommates for various reasons (our child, economic, etc.).

I do not want to talk about my past in general to start with (my boyfriend had given them the scoop when we started dating anyway)...

But, the things I am most afraid of being asked about:

"My ex": (how did you meet, how old is he etc.)I am embarassed by the fact that I married so young, after knowing him only a short time and especially a man that much older.

"My relationship with my ex": Very uncomfortable. If I say amicable, alarm bells might go on in their heads that there is a chance I would get back together with him. If I say, complicated, then they might think there is some drama(and they wouldn't their son to be involved with someone who has drama in her life..)

"How did you become a citizen?"I often feel very insecure when people ask me this. I became a citizen through my ex, and have been accused before of marrying him for a greencard and/or money (which is ludicrous; he has never had a penny, whereas I come from a rich family and had never had any plans or interest to live in the US whatsoever before I met him).

"When/why did you get married/when/how/why did you get divorced"

Prying questions about my daughter; her relationship with her dad, how I share childcare with him, why did I have her so young etc. etc.

And in general, I feel so insecure about being judged by his family about my situation. Has any of you felt like this? How do you deal with it?

Thanks very much in advance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

The thing you have to keep in mind is that you really do NOT have to answer other people's nosy questions which they should not be asking any way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
musiclover12 wrote:

.....I thik you should really enlist your BF's help cause he is the one who should be telling his family to knock it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I know how you feel because I used to want to explain to people about my divorce.. My ex comes across as a great person and he is so well liked by everyone except for me.. He was sort of abusive and has many sociopathic qualities in which if I told people that they would think I was the nut.. and why would I divorce such a perfect man.. Everyone thinks he is great and no one ever believed me when I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

How did the meeting go?