I have never known anyone who was happy while dating or married to a surgeon. They do have a lot of stress and he has a right to this opinion and you are lucky he tells you now. My friend is dating a surgeon. He is so stressed and tired all the time. He is always at least 3-6 hours late for dates. And the last time they went out, he was supposed to call her at 6PM and he called at 9PM and took her to the movies and then fell asleep during the movie. He only takes her out like once or twice a week when he wants sex. She is 28, never been married, a fabulous smart girl in med school herself and he is a 40 year old never-been-married dope. She is tired of him - I am waiting for her to pull the plug and giving her lectures to boot!! LOL!!
And don't feel bad about your kid. He is the beauty of your life. I bet if you had kids with this one you would feel like a single mom while he works all the time.
Aha yes - there was a very happy surgeon's wife at the last school race we went to. It was a school that costs $20K per year - plus the cost of a laptop and extracuricular activities. They actually had a parking garage with security attendants that rivaled the one in the mall and a private pool and beautiful xcountry course.
She had the best boobs I have ever seen, a ring that was like 5 carrots, clothes that looked like they came off the catwalk, a mercedes key in her hand and Chanel glasses. She was a little mean to her kids. And busy on her phone while they were racing.....
Maybe you just need more time to know for sure what to do - and that is oka. Sometimes we all need that.
I will say that in the 5 years I have been on this board and heard perhaps hundreds of stories, I have never once heard of someone whose boyfriend initially didn't like the idea of someone else's kid(s) having a change of heart and liking them. But I have heard a lot who didn't make it because of this. Either they are into kids or they are not. The situation matters more than the people really.
But keep us posted - we are here for you no matter what - and maybe you will prove me wrong!! I want a happy story for everyone here.
Dang, I don't want to agree with everyone else, but I do. Sounds like you really like this guy and want things to work, and sounds like he likes you back. But the truth of it is, he isn't interested in being "family" and that's not good enough for you! You have kids, and they matter, and you all should have a man who will WANT to be involved with all of you, and want to be part of your lives!
That would be a dealbreaker to me too- although it's heartbreaking if you two get along well. But he's only "close" but not close enough- if he can't truly accept being a part of the kids' lives as well as yours. He can't have it partway, because you aren't a Mom, just partway.
Would you want a man in your life (and your kids' lives) that you had to CONVINCE into being there? Would you want someone who was involved reluctantly, and is doing so only because he "has to"?
I think you know you really and truly deserve more than that. Even as hard as it might be to let him go... you owe yourself and your kids more than what he can offer. It doesn't make him evil to be the way he is, nor does it make you needy to want what you want for your family. It only means that he isn't the One.
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Hi, welcome
To me, that is a dealbreaker. And no loss to you.
I have never known anyone who was happy while dating or married to a surgeon. They do have a lot of stress and he has a right to this opinion and you are lucky he tells you now. My friend is dating a surgeon. He is so stressed and tired all the time. He is always at least 3-6 hours late for dates. And the last time they went out, he was supposed to call her at 6PM and he called at 9PM and took her to the movies and then fell asleep during the movie. He only takes her out like once or twice a week when he wants sex. She is 28, never been married, a fabulous smart girl in med school herself and he is a 40 year old never-been-married dope. She is tired of him - I am waiting for her to pull the plug and giving her lectures to boot!! LOL!!
And don't feel bad about your kid. He is the beauty of your life. I bet if you had kids with this one you would feel like a single mom while he works all the time.
April
April
If he says he is not that into kids, I would say that would be a dealbreaker.
Aha yes - there was a very happy surgeon's wife at the last school race we went to. It was a school that costs $20K per year - plus the cost of a laptop and extracuricular activities. They actually had a parking garage with security attendants that rivaled the one in the mall and a private pool and beautiful xcountry course.
She had the best boobs I have ever seen, a ring that was like 5 carrots, clothes that looked like they came off the catwalk, a mercedes key in her hand and Chanel glasses. She was a little mean to her kids. And busy on her phone while they were racing.....
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe you just need more time to know for sure what to do - and that is oka. Sometimes we all need that.
I will say that in the 5 years I have been on this board and heard perhaps hundreds of stories, I have never once heard of someone whose boyfriend initially didn't like the idea of someone else's kid(s) having a change of heart and liking them. But I have heard a lot who didn't make it because of this. Either they are into kids or they are not. The situation matters more than the people really.
But keep us posted - we are here for you no matter what - and maybe you will prove me wrong!! I want a happy story for everyone here.
LOL.. you have stronger points. I wont personally date a surgeon
If he says he's unsure about life with the kids, then believe him.
Dang, I don't want to agree with everyone else, but I do. Sounds like you really like this guy and want things to work, and sounds like he likes you back. But the truth of it is, he isn't interested in being "family" and that's not good enough for you! You have kids, and they matter, and you all should have a man who will WANT to be involved with all of you, and want to be part of your lives!
That would be a dealbreaker to me too- although it's heartbreaking if you two get along well. But he's only "close" but not close enough- if he can't truly accept being a part of the kids' lives as well as yours. He can't have it partway, because you aren't a Mom, just partway.
Would you want a man in your life (and your kids' lives) that you had to CONVINCE into being there? Would you want someone who was involved reluctantly, and is doing so only because he "has to"?
I think you know you really and truly deserve more than that. Even as hard as it might be to let him go... you owe yourself and your kids more than what he can offer. It doesn't make him evil to be the way he is, nor does it make you needy to want what you want for your family. It only means that he isn't the One.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
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