HELP!! Please??
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HELP!! Please??
| Sat, 12-17-2005 - 2:14am |
Okay. I am scared, in love, and just flat out don't know what to do. I met this awsome man who I fell in love with on our first (blind)date! We have be inseperable since we started dating. But I am having a hard time iwth one thing-his work. He owns his own company-which is awesome, and I support him 100% And I told him that from the beginning. He explained to me about his scedule from day one and how it is not a Mon-Fri 9-5 typical job. That he would work long, off the wall hours. He said if that was problem, I needed to leave then-this was the beginning. I told him no, it was not a problem, he means to much to me to leave him over something so simple. Well, the company is at a stage right now where it is taking almost all of his time. I know he feels horrible for it, and I still support him 100% But it is getting hard on me. We went from being inspeperable in the beginning to now, well, I spent last weekend with him-only because we were working together. I left Monday afternoon from being with him since last Saturday night. I then didn't get to see him until last night-Thirsday night-late at night, for just a couple of hours before he had to leave for work again. I was supposed to see him tonight, but plans got canceled. I am not hoping to spend Sunday night with him, as I am leaving out of state Monday mornign for 3 days. I mis him SO much. We talk on the phone constantly. But like tonight, we were talking for a long time, and I was just dreading for the time to come when he said he needed to get off the phone. Well, that happened, he wanted to go to sleep-understandable-but I want to be with him, we were supposed to be together-and well, not that he is doing anything wrong, I just miss him. How do you deal with someone who has to work so much? I know things will calm down over the next few months, and all of this is working towards our future together, but its hard right now.Oh, and the part about I know its hard on him too...when he came over last night, he stopped to buy me a bouquet of a dozen white roses(my favorite) just to tell me he was sorry he has had to work so much and he hopes I don't get tired of this schedule and leave him over it. That thought has never crossed my mind-but its hard-I miss him so much! How do you deal with those feelings of missing someone so much and wanting to just be with him, hold him, hug him, and just be in his presence? Please-I have to do something to get my feelings under control. I am going crazy right now not being able to be with him! :(

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Singlemomofgt,
I think you need to definitely get out of town and slow yourself down. It seems that you have centered your whole life around being with this person - and my guess would be that you were intimate right away with this man. Usually that can cause troubles because it makes a female form a very strong attachment with a person and the relationship is not ready and then you do not think clearly. You do not get the time to really know each other and develop a relationship that is not sexual.
Anyway, it is not good for you or the relationship to want to spend so much time with him. You have to take your time to fit him into an already busy and fulfilled life where you are not so needy. And then let it grow slow.
What you are experiencing is more of an infatuation stage than love. It may last or it may not.
Why don't you try to take the time away from him to be a little more busy and productive so you don't miss him so much. Make an effort to be with your child, friends, family - you know - other people. Don't be at his beckon call - I don't like that everything revolves around his schedule - that is a one way street.
Are you sure he is not married or with someone else? His working hours are indeed a bit much and usually a story like this can mean that you are sharing him.
I hope this helps. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is nothing you can do to change his behavior - you can only control your own.
Okay - well this sounds better.
I think that as things settle in, the time away will get easier - it sounds like you are busy - and just have to stay that way and maybe try to find things that you really enjoy - even if they are away. Try not to put too much stress on him now - but also keep your eyes open so they don't "only look through rose-colored glasses" at him - it sounds like you two did start out on a fast and furious note.
Best wishes and keep us posted!!
Welcome to the board!
I think it's great that you found someone that you're smitten with, and I know how good that does feel.
Thank you so much! you just gave me a GREaT idea!! I have been trying to think of the little things I can do for him. I don't have a lot of money, but I love to be romantic! I just can never come up with ideas. for xmas, I am making him a nice home cooked meal actually on xmas eve, neither of us will have our kids that night, so I am going to make the dinner just for us. But as for other times, I like the idea of having dinner delivered to him. I will have to check into some places out by him and see what I can do. Unfortunately, part of his job requires a lot of traveling, so he is not always at the shop. Like right now, he and his dad are on their way out to oh, I forget the dang city name! lol But it is about 2 hours away. They have an emergency situation with a trailer needing to be repaired. So he will get there about 10:30pm tonight and will not get home probably until 3am. It's an awesome business, but just eats him up! So on a night like this, there isn't much I could do. But had I thought of it sooner, I could have had something sent to the shop earlier, as he had to stop by there first. Hey, if you have any other ideas of the little things I could do to show my appriciation, please pass them my way. I am always looking for new, creative ways to make him feel special. Especially things that do not take a lot of money.
As for planning our time together, we are working on that. December is a busy month between xmas, my bday is this month, both his daughters bdays are this month, so it is a hard month. Plus he just took on a bunch of extra accounts with his company. But he promised after the 1st of theyear, when December was all over with, we will be planning a weekend get away. So I am excited about that. The phone calls, we talk so much during the day, it's crazy, but talking to him on the phone just isn't the same as seeing and being with him. My cell phone happens to be a camera phone, so I am going to get a pic of him next time I have a chance so I can do like you suggessted.And yes, I understand what you mean about not making him my world. It's hard, but I keep myself preoccupied with my life and children. I just always have him on the brain! I don't cancel plans in hopes to be with him, I don't flake on my family and friends for him or anything like that. We hold our seperate lives, but want more int he future for us.
Thank you again, I will be trying out the dinner delivery idea for him soon. Hmmm, what can I do while I am in Utah next week? Any ideas? I leave Monday morning. I need something inexpensive, but thoughtful to either happen before I leave, while I am gone, or when I return. Hmm, have to think on this one for a bit. We will see! :) Wish me luck!
One angle of this
Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p
While it's good to make the gestures, don't go overboard and blow your budget.
You are exactly right. Workaholic explains him much better then anything else. And I have thoguht about that. Yes, I can live with these hours, and actually have thought much into the future, all the what-ifs if we do eventually get married adn can I live with this. I actually really lok forward to one day marrying this man, assuming things stay as great as they have been. Then I know, even if he still has to work these long obnoxious hours, when he is getting home late, instead of talking to me on the phone, he will be crawling into be with me, cuddling up next to me and holding me. So it actaully sounds very nice.
I am glad to know that the long hours wasn't what broke your hubby and you up. So that goes to show you can live with it, just depends on what you are wanting. I am okay with this. I know my BF is always looking for success and for ways to give us a better life. The long hours is what brings in the money, to help us finacially. The nice thing is that he does see money is not everything and has not problem taking off time when it is important. I know he would never miss anything that involves his children, he was at everyone of their moms doctors appointments while she was pregnant with them both, there for both deliveries, and has never missed a schol function with them. When it has come to the important stuff with he and I, he has never broke a promise nor not shown up to something because of work. So I trust those are qualities in his personality that are not going to change.
like I said before, I just miss him. I am sure when your hubby was gone, you missed him to. What dod you do to get by ont he lonely nights he was working? Did time just take it's toll and your emotions learned to calm themselves knowing he was on his way home to you soon? Or was there something specific you did to help you out? I really just can't wait til we have been together for a long time and can get married and get past all this living seperate stuff, that's the hardest! :(
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