Here's a question - mind racing on this
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| Wed, 01-24-2007 - 11:52am |
When you are thinking of dating prospects... do ya think whether a person is out of your league, too good looking for you, makes too much money...
How much do you think about "he's on the same level" when dating....?
I read an article that said women should go for guys that they think are better looking because we tend to underestimate ourselves.. while guys should do the opposite.
Do you think you don't have a chance with a guy you think "might" be out of your league or do you not think about this at all???
And especially being single moms... how much do you second guess... "that guy wouldn't be interested in a single mom".... OH well.... having those thoughts today and just wondering if anyone else has felt that way.....
something tells me that I shouldn't care whether I think a guy is out of my league... I should still keep him in the prospect pool...
sorry for all the mind racing on this... hope I get some responses.
Thanks

I've never thought about whether or not someone was "in my league".
Maybe you are thinking too much?
Or maybe I am too self confident? - We're fabulous aren't we? Who could possibly be out of our league?
Now I have thought, "he probably wouldn't be interested in a divorced mom like me" - but that never had anything to do with me thinking that a guy was "out of my league" - it had more to do with me thinking we wanted different things eg. he was looking to get married, and start having babies of his own - which is SO NOT what I want right now. I think that's partially why I've been attracted to guys at least 10 years older than me since my divorce - I'm not in the same "place" as the professional, single men I've met who are my age(just over 30).
This is a good question.
I don't think you should date someone who is below you. And I don't mean in the looks department - I mean in the brains, earning potential, motivated, life department. I think looks are secondary to life and integrity. Never go down - always go up!
I don't think that way at all anymore. I'm more inclined to think that a man isn't good enough for me. I've put up with a ton of garbage from men and I'm not having anymore of it.
However, when I was much younger, an extremely handsome guy who went to college with me was trying to get to know me. He would talk to me. I'd say the bare minimum and run. I ran from him because he was so handsome. He is the most handsome man to have ever expressed interest in me. I thought he was out of my league. When I look back on it now, I realize he wanted to get to know me because he thought I was nice (the good, shy, girl-next-door). That's the other thing too. That guy was so nice that I also thought that made him out of my league. There's no way I'd think that now.
I personally think about a lot of "levels" when it comes to compatibility.
I certainly think about how we look together- not neccessarily how he looks or how I look, but together, do we seem to match? I'm very tall, so tall men usually attract me more easily. Shorter men seem to be put off by my height, and I am often put off by theirs.
I also get tired of dealing with short man syndrome and the insecurities that they often have turning into unwarranted cockiness. I simply don't have time.
But I also think about finances. Someone who is financially solvent without being loaded is the right guy for me. I hate money. Hate it. I don't have a lot by most standards, but what I do have I spend responsibly, and the men who are compatible with me would probably not have millions, since it makes me very uncomfortable. I want someone on my level or not too far away from it. Able to support himself and deal with minor financial blows, but not overly worried about it or rolling in it, either.
As far as the single mom thing, I never think a guy wouldn't want me because I am a mother. Being a single mother makes me more mature, more responsilbe, more prone to keeping plans, more reliable, so many things. I also typically date guys who are several years older than I am, though, so maybe it's because we're on the same level maturity-wise.
One other thing I just thought of is that I have had so many compliments on my maturity, responsible attitude, etc. I think I don't make a big deal out of being a single mother. When I'm dating, it comes up, of course, and I might mention my kids, but it's fairly obvious that I am funny, witty, smart, happy, nice, friendly... whatever, as myself. None of those things have anything to do with my kids, and neither does the guy I'm with, at least so far. Since I don't make a big deal out of it, none of the guys I've dated has, either.
I guess I look for compatibility, but I haven't ever thought of it in terms of him being out of my league. It's more like I don't feel we'd be compatible with each other. Doesn't mean one of us is better, we're just too different.
Moody, in a league of her own
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Thanks for the great response... this helps me put my thoughts in perspective... I guess I'm still coming to grips about dating as a single mom. And the best way to stop a racing mind is to get busy....so that's what I did last night... but I'll post that in another thread.
And I can relate to what you were saying about finances. If I meet a guy who only talks about how much money he makes... boring... that really puts me off. And I probably feel uncomfortable like you. And at the same time, the next time I meet a guy who says "credit score...ba humbug" I'll stay clear of him too. So, I guess it isn't about how much money but his attitude about it. And to me a good credit score means a person is responsible and has integrity. (and if you watch Judge Judy you know what I'm talking about)...lol.
thanks again for all the responses.