He's confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
He's confused
9
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 7:46am

The unhappy icon doesn't entirely apply here, I really am OK with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 8:24am

I think you should take a big step back. It seems that if they are ready and find true love - then all goes well. But if it is a hang out type of thing and then they find themselves not feeling ready just as feelings are developing - that is not so good - but that is just what I have seen so far. It does take time to heal from a divorce.

Keep us posted, our fingers are crossed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:35am

I am the only woman he has dated since his divorce, and he is working through his feelings.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:46am

Even worse than the wrong man.... is the right man at the wrong time.


I'm glad you're taking a step or two back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 11:17am

He had been married for about 6 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 11:24am

Sounds good! If he is just re-evaluating, and he feels what he says he feels, he could go through this and come right back. I think everyone goes through this ebb/flow type of thing in every relationship. Even more than once. But many of the times, the doubt might not be very significant, and the thoughts are fleeting. I think it's just been moving along well and the time you've been together, is making him think about going further with it, and it's scared him a bit. So stepping back and giving him space is probably a good thing.


Keep us updated!


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:42pm

I wonder what kinds of things he is soing in this phase. Has he indicated that he wants some space? Will you be seeing less of each other? Or is it a mental space? How will things change during thos phase?


Being the first love out of adivorce can work. It just takes mental healing from past and being sure that one is not using the new relationship to heal the old.


Hugs and well wishes. I know that the pull back phase can be a scary one. Hang in there and give him time. Use us here to vent and ask questions and for support though it all, OK?


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 2:04pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 2:16pm

The thing is he's not pulling back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 2:24pm

Being scared is a totally natural and healthy response. I sure as heck knew I was scared when things clicked with SEV. I wasn't looking for it - told myself I didn't want it. I had to take time to evaluate WHAT it was that I did want.

Once I decided to take down the walls, it was great. But I had to take time in my head and with my heart to make that decision. SEV couldn't do it, and any pushing from him would have sent me the other way.

I guess what I'm saying is I think you are wise to take a step back and give him the opportunity to evaluate what is going on with him. Where he wants to take this relationship with you.

You should be proud of the fact that you recognize his feelings and possible boundaries, and are not pushing him to 'make up his mind' which would only scare him further. Remember that you are not the one who is scaring him - HIS reaction to you is what is scaring him. YOU'RE GREAT!!!

Moon