He's just not THAT into me...

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
He's just not THAT into me...
18
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 8:55am

I wish they had a "Being disappointed" icon. I'm not sad, just disappointed.
Ok, I give up. He's just not THAT into me...
He wrote me on Tuesday to tell me I was right, he shouldn't have shown so much disinterest and that he wanted to see me in April, but he had no time to talk now, had to go, hugs.
Sent him my flight details, but I hadn't booked a flight from Dallas to Fort Hood yet, was waiting to do that in April. So, you'd think I'd have heard something, right? Like " Super! Can't wait, this is great!" Something!! Since he that short conversation before I sent him my details, not a word from him again. He used to take every second of the day to contact me. Which tells me, he has me on invisble mode. I noticed him doing that a few times, but never said anything, so I just deleted my contact information on him now. Figured if I don't see his name with the stupid Icon, I'd feel better and not wonder.

OKAY!!! I'm NOT desperate. I am not sure where he got that idea. Maybe, because I started to call him, or maybe because I was annoying him with my emails and trying to salvage our "whatever" we were having. Soo, obviously, SOMEWHERE, he assumed I must be desperate. Funny man! Their is such a difference between trying to see what is going on with him and wanting an answer and throwing myself at him. Maybe through the emails it came out that way.

I wrote him yesterday (yes, I should of left it alone), told him, in a very very nice and very communicative manner, that I think he got the wrong impression somewhere of who I am. That he started the no communication a few months ago after my birthday. Just stopped! It bummed me out and then, out of the blue, he started up again some weeks ago, and starts the deadly silence again. That I don't take his excuses of no time (when he was even super busy, he made two seconds of time for me). That it wasn't about friendship, because friendship works TOTALLY different (supporting even the bad days, is friendship. Being a real friend and the whole definition of going through the good and the bad and being the shoulder or having a shoulder to talk about things that are on your mind, as well as laughing it up) and that I won't be seeing him in April, because he has proved now, that I won't be anything more than a vacation shag. It sounds bad, but believe me, I wrote it in a manner that it just said "I'm disappointed in your actions, that I have done what I could on my side to understand you, but, you obviously have other your reasons and I won't contact you again."

No more excuses. I tried now for 5 days. Its ridiculous. I'm not a door mat. I'm not the in-between gap. What pisses me off, is just the fact, that he has no backbone to just say "Hey, I'm just not THAT into you afterall." OR something, ANYTHING. Deadly silence, just is the worst. It's more hurtful then the truth. I know I don't have to worry that something is wrong, because it isn't. He's just being a jerk. And I'M NOT INTO THAT. It just shows me that he isn't reliable. Not as a friend, not as anything else. I'm moving on... NEXT! Ok, so maybe I'm not just disappointed, or sad, maybe I'm just really angry and pissed beyond belief!

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Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 2:42pm

Your mind can mess you up if you let it. You literally have to "positive talk" yourself


Amen that!!!


I read a great book on that subject (one of my counseling homework books) called "Telling Yourself the Truth". It was EXCELLENT for me. Dealt with the importance and power of positive self talk and the equal power of negative self talk.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 2:44pm
The train ride is my car. I don't do the train, that would take 3hrs each way. 2hrs each day is already enough! LOL
I have someone that is TOTALLY into me, but I am NOT into him. Super sweet, wonderful, adores me, loves me, but I can't get passed the fact that he's just so low class. Not meant snobby, but he just can't dress and has no sense of etiquette. A lack of fashion and a lack of etiquette, ok, but NONE is just to much for me. Kind of like you with that Harley guy. It's just not me. I'll wear this gorgeous outfit, because he says "Dress nice princess, because I am taking you out to the best restaurant in town." and he shows up in a shirt with flames all over it, dark baggy jeans and a baseball hat to cover his short military hair cut. LOL! Not to mention I am one head taller then him in heels and I won't give up my heels for NO ONE. He's short and short and short in all areas. LOL, I happen to know, but that was by accident when I walked in on him using the bathroom. LOL! Anyway, he loves and adores me, would do anything, but I just had to tell him straight up, I'm just not in to you like that.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 2:50pm

I know I don't negative talk myself when it comes to me knowing I am worth a relationship and I know what I am worth, but somehow I must have a HUGE negative vibe that flows off of me to attract such awful people that want to hurt me in awful ways. It must show on my face, or I smell like negativity, when in reality I am very social, very bubbly, funny and yet, that isn't the problem. I literally attract all scum of the earth. I know that sounds OVER negative, but it sooooooooo true. What could it be they sense? I don't even act like I want to give them the time of day.

With other things, I just get so scared that I have this fear of failing or something negative happening. I want to shake it all off so bad, but I just can't seem to do it. It's like a bad taint.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:02pm

You can never underestimate the power of positive self talk. I have used that countless times in my life.

When I feel my positive self talk slipping away I know I need to pamper myself and take a chill from what is stressing me - sort of figure a way to come back fresh and talk myself through it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:04pm

Oh - for some reason I thought you took the train. Please forgive!!

It is good you have someone who is that into you - you can see what that is like. But I don't blame you one bit if you don't have chemistry.

Now, the assignment of the year for you my princess - find someone who is that into you whom you like and are attracted to!!

Isn't that the mission of the year for all of us!! LOL!!

Avatar for tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 9:58pm

Hey Catherine
I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I know it blows to have someone leave you wondering like that. Been there many times! I never once got any satisfaction from asking those questions of why? Honestly, if the guy was ballsy enough to tell me "Yep, I decided I'm just not that into you," sure I wasn't wondering any more but now I was left wondering "WWWWWHHHYYY?".
My advice hon for what it's worth is just realize you know what you want in a guy and when a guy comes along like Ian and he's not giving you what you want, just cut him loose. Don't wonder, don't sweat it, don't stress. In these early days of dating him, as much as it still hurts (I know it does) you are so much better off just saying, "this is not what I want" and not letting the ball be in his court.

Things have to get better for you! I just know it.
Tara

 

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 4:45am

Thank you ALL! Thank you all for your wonderful posts and wonderful support. True friendship. I just wish you all were over here now! Big hugs. - Catherine

P.s.: It's so true Tara, nothing is worse then the silence. That will be a post quiz of mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:30am

Catherine,

I'm chiming in a little late. I just want to say that I know how you are feeling. My last bf broke up with me in a very similar way.....silence.....less frequent contact. Taking things away, one by one, until nothing was left.

I read an article, I think on ivillage somewhere maybe, that the principal of 21 days to break an addiction can be applied to getting over a failed relationship. I know you aren't pining for him, but you feel kind of cruddy and pissed off in general. After my last break-up, I put myself on a 21-day program. It involves not contacting the ex. Also, I picked three positive statements for myself and I wrote out each of these statements (25 times each) every day. Before sitting down to write, I'd feel bummed out about things, but forcing myself to write these positive statements made me feel better after I did it.

I started feeling better before the 21-days were up. Also, about self-confidence, I feel so much prettier, smarter, funnier, and cooler since I'm not with an emotionally unavailable jerk. Men like that will make you feel like you are insecure or have low self-esteem. That's not true at all. Once you get them out of your life (and head), you'll get back your self-confidence.

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