He's leaving anyways, what's the point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
He's leaving anyways, what's the point?
1
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 1:14pm
I recently met a great guy that I've known for a while thru school. We finally hooked up and have been spending practically every day together for the past month and a half. He are now officially a couple since he asked me last weekend after a beautiful surprise dinner out of town. I've always entered really bad relationships OR I was always at a bad time in my life when entering these relationships that a 'healthy' one is really foreign to me. Now, I'm older, it's been a while since my last breakup (almost 3 years) and I've had quite some time to work on myself and insecurities, that this relationship seemed promising. SEEMED, is the kicker. My boyfriend and I are both in the military, he's due to rotate in November of this year. He was planning to be stationed only 3 hours away from where we are presently stationed at, but now he's looking at orders in the East Coast (we are in the West). I haven't indicated that I'm dissapointed or hurt by this decision, because I know that he has to do what will enhance his career and he haven't been together long. Recently I told him that I was falling in love with him, because we were talking about male friends in my life and he indicated that my phone calls make him wonder, which I understand because 95% of my friends are males. I told him that I was falling for him, not anyone else. He didn't reciprocate that same, which is fine, because I know if he would've said that he loved me, it would've been way too soon. I guess I feel very vulnerable now, I'm not used to being open and honest about my feelings with men. My question is this though. Am I wasting my time? Eventually, I'd like to be married and made an honest woman for once in my life, I'm 30 w/ 2 kids. He's 26, no kids. As far as some of my friends think, my boyfriend has it good, he has a girlfriend and sex partner to kill his time with before he leaves, how much better could it be? I hate to think like that, since he is very thoughtful, generous, great about getting to know my children , makes love to me lovingly like a man should. Sometimes I think he does love me, but holds it in because he doesn't want to get hurt. Last night he held me close and said it (twice) I think that he was half-sleeping though and so I don't think much of it, because when a man tells me something important like that, I want to be looked at in the eyes while we are both alert, you know! Am I wasting my time?
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003

No darlin, I don't think your wasting your time at this point, but he's leaving in another 8-9 months. You have to be patient. Try to be patient. Have you asked him what he wants? You have to remember he is younger, has no kids and maybe would like to have his own children. Would you be willing or able to do this for him? You very well know that military men as well as women, like yourself, have to learn to say their good-byes, because of their careers. You understand him, so I can understand your hurt, but this whole situation is still new and it's not over yet. The next months are still a huge break through of something that could be. What does your gut say? You need to draw it out for him. Ask him what he wants. Let him know you want to know what he's looking for. If you get the right or wrong answer you'll know what to do. I know how hard this is for you. I truly, truly do. You aren't in the situation of your career that you can just jump up and follow him like that. I know you aren't. So you either have to work together or give it up. Big hugs to you sweetie! I know you must be hurting a great deal.

- catherine