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| Thu, 05-17-2007 - 4:08pm |
I posted this on DASP but realized that many of you guys are over here these days. :) I'll repost:
Hey DASP'ers. It has been some time, i'm sorry for my absence. Things had been whirlwind of fun in my life there for a while so my messageboarding took a backseat for a few months.
It all kind of started in March; work in the office was slow and many in my department were feeling a little lost after several manager, policy and compensation changes. So actual 'work' took a backseat and instead there seemed an awful lot of time for play. Which, believe me, I relished every moment of. Lots of days where some of us would skip out of work early and hit the local pub for a pint or two. Other days where we would be at tradeshows or out of town training trips which would inevitably turn into excuses to socialize and get to know eachother better. And in the midst of this, I became rather hooked onto a male coworker in the office who I'll call CB (Country Boy - because thats where he grew up)
CB and I have worked together almost 2 1/2 years. We hit it off quite well when he first started here, but in a few months, his aggressive sales attitude became pretty annoying to me and other than the occasional friendly small-talk, I spent many days loathing him and his pushy, overbearing ways. I even complained to my old boss about him once! He is tall, fit and handsome but something in me just knew that he knew this too.
So it was really shocking when a couple of months ago, we began to hang out during this lax time in our office. We seemed to be joined at the hip for a while, completley platonic, but always making plans to hang out. Friends at work seriously thought I was sleeping with him and I assured them over and over that we were "just friends" as I really thought thats all there was. Little did I know I was starting to feel more.
It was wierd; CB would throw out invites to me to hang out with him and his buddies and then would forget all about it when I would follow up with him. He would text message me all day; Then a week would go by, we wouldn't talk or anything. His interest in me just seems all over the place. Our department went out of town for one night and I fell asleep, drunk, in a chair in his room. The next day he told me he asked me to come to bed and I cursed at him and fell back asleep. (HA!)Yet, he has never made a move on me, never done anything over than occasionally touch my arm or leg and give me a hug. And the more time we spent together, the more I wished this was more than just friendship.
Believe me, I know I shouldn't date a coworker nor a male friend. I have gone over this in my head enough times. But how do you just shake off someone you see 5 days a week? I decided 2 weeks ago to just start avoiding him as best I could. I have written text messages, only to discard them. I have started to walk towards his desk to say hi only to make a last minute detour to avoid it. BUt its not really helping. I feel like i'm 15 years old again, dealing with a heavy duty crush. And it sucks.
-adc

Well, I can understand the frustration of a strong crush that goes no where but you can't shake it because you see him every day kind of thing. That is what happened to me with my coach. We worked together a lot during the week. And I always wanted more but it never came to be. When I found out he had a girlfriend I came to grips with the situation and cut off all contact - found a new coach.
Life has been grand since - I have even met someone new.
But I am not sure what you can do if you see him every day. That is hard. I guess since it is work and you do need that you can do whatever you can to avoid him and to tell yourself that if he hasn't made a move yet there is a reason. That is so hard to do. I always tried but could not.
Maybe the others will have good ideas.
Hi there! I was a lurker on the DASP board, but love to see all of the "familiar" faces over here!
I know what it's like to be crushing on someone you know intellectually you have no business crushing on- and I also know how hard it is to get your feelings to play along with your mind!
I don't rule coworkers out completely- it can be dangerous, and it can lead to problems, but so can any dating. If you know going into it that you're going to both act like adults, and whatever happens, you'll still be able to work together, I think it can work.
However, in your case, I'm not concerned about him being a coworker and friend, but rather, his flakiness. I am not into men who don't do what they say, don't remember or cancel plans they've made- even casually as friends, and isn't obviously into me.
I want a man who is consistent, not arrogant, and honest. I don't want a man who acts as if I'm nothing more than a fun diversion when he doesn't have anything better to do- for a friend or a romantic partner.
Moody, who wants a guy who is that into her
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Hey ADC! Glad to see you are over here, too!
Glad to hear you've been keeping busy (and no more stalking by Mr. Houston- eeks) and things are going reasonably well. About CB... not sure what to think! I know I have that no-dating-coworkers policy, but I can't say that it CAN'T ever work out. I know of people who have had it work out for them (including one of them leaving the company or department later too- because it's too messy as a working-together couple)- so you never know. I guess all you can do is just let things lie and see how things go (if they even do). Don't try to force anything, and avoid company events involving alcohol (because it would then be too easy to do things you might regret later) and just see if anything will come of it. Him inviting you to group things with the coworkers or friends isn't the same as him asking you out for a date. So until/unless he asks you out for a date, just you and him alone... I'd let things lie.
But yeah, it sucks to have a work-crush!!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Thanks guys for the feedback. Honestly, it was just nice to tell SOMEONE about it as I have told really noone and I needed the vent.
He has been out of town the past week so it was a nice break and it gave me a chance to get distance from my crush on him. Its much easier to never talk or see your crush... you can get much more distracted by other yummy men that way (which I have this weekend lol)
Believe me, I won't let CB stop me from getting out there and meeting other men. And I really do NOT plan on pursuing ANYTHING with him. seriously. I'll just enjoy looking at him.
-adc
-almostdoesntcount
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